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Friday, 26 July 2013

Dr. Doom--his very name spells disaster. Not surprisingly, this gray-armored, green-robed, hoodie-clad supervillain remains one of Marvel Comics' most popular bad guys ever--so popular, in fact, that he is often soon retired after appearing, for an issue of two, usually in The Fantastic Four, the comic book that showcased his origin, for fear that he will eclipse the superheroes he fights. Not the Human Torch, nor his sister, The Invisible Woman (nee Girl), nor her husband Mr. Fantastic, nor even The Thing has attained the popularity of their long-time nemesis. "He deserves a comic of his own," fans often insist.

The ongoing conflict between Doom and the FF, as lazy, not-too-bright fans of The Fantastic Four prefer to refer to the comic book superheroes (and to the comic book itself), stems from the homosexual affair that Reed Richards (later, after he discovered the superpowers that Viagra confer upon him, Mr. Fantastic) and Victor von Doom (Dr. Doom, after he earned his Ph.D in Villainy) had while they were college roommates. During a lovers' spat in the chemistry lab, while the lovers were "experimenting" with "unstable molecules" (i. e., their own ejaculate), an "explosion" (i. e., orgasm) occurred that was "even more tremendous than that which results from bukkake)," Richards says, and Doom's face was forever disfigured. From that moment on, Doom vowed to avenge himself against his former lover, and the never-ending duel between Mr. Fantastic and Dr. Doom began.

"Most of the comic book characters originate in homosexual liaisons of one sort or another, often involving an editor and an artist," comic book historian Marvin Martin explained at a recent Comics Convention. Stan Lee, who was once Marvel's editor-in-chief and was in attendance at the convention, agreed. "Some of my fondest memories are of the creative meetings that took place between me and such contributors as Jack ('King') Kirby--now there was a man's man--and Steve ('The Dick') Ditko, who was also a man's man."

After the accidental disfigurement, Doom and Richards remained "friendly," until graduation, but Doom, much to Richards' consternation, insisted upon wearing his signature steel mask whenever the lovers engaged in oral sex. Sometimes, Doom even insisted upon wearing the full costume he had constructed during a fashion design course--the familiar bustier with hood and cloak accessories, cinched with a wide black belt.

Later, Richards discovered that Doom was actually the leader of Latveria, a small principality in the Balkans, of which neither he, the U. S. Department of State, nor anyone else had ever heard.

Richards has long believed that Doom invented the country, much as he had invented his costume and alter ego. "He was always a creative genius," Richards told butt buddy Ben ("The Thing") Grimm. "He could have totally dominated the contestants on Fashion Runway."

As the leader of a possibly imaginary country, Doom enjoyed diplomatic immunity, a privilege he often uses to escape justice. In his own country, he is said to rule as a benevolent dictator, and, some believe, Barack Obama looks to Doom's tyrannical rulership as a model for his own reign.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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