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Saturday, 9 March 2013

image for Cameron rebuked by OBR for quoting the fairies he is away with a dictionary, currently ignored by politicians

After a complaint from the independent Office for Budget Responsibility yesterday, the Coalition has sought to disprove that David Cameron said that black was white and misquoted the OBR.

A Coalition spokesman today made it 'absolutely clear' that Mr Cameron has not been telling any lies, fibs or porkies, but merely adhering to a new Coalition lexicon to standardise political statements.

This organ can now reveal the Coalition Lexicon to speed comprehension of the electorate:

THE MESS WE INHERITED - explanation for something we don't intend to fix

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER - this is going to hurt you more than it is going to hurt us

DIFFICULT DECISION - we had no problems making this, but we know you won't like it

TRICKLE DOWN - The unpleasant phenomenon experienced by the public after a 'difficult decision'

BIG SOCIETY - LaLa Land

LET ME BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ON THIS - I will now blether on until you give up the will to seek clarity

INQUIRY - set up to investigate something you didn't like, but if the government doesn't like the conclusion reached, we reserve the right to protect the public from hard facts

SPECIAL ADVISOR - Chum helping the government with special conflicts of interest

RETIREMENT PLAN - The plan to help people to work until the very end, when they may finally afford their funerals

FAIR - Iain Duncan Smith's word to describe taking money off poor people, akin to Gordon Brown calling that old lady from Rochdale a 'bigot'

HARD-WORKING FAMILIES - the term we use for the gullible because it sounds worthy

AS I'VE ALWAYS SAID - I'm about to say something palliative that I've never said before

LOOK - Shut up...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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