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Saturday, 22 December 2012

image for New Road-Building scheme to be financed by Road-Toll fees

David Cameron has given his backing to a new Road-Building scheme to be financed by Road Toll fees. This is part of the Coalitions
refreshed programme for government.

A feasibility study produced by the DfT (Department for Transport) is being formulated as announced by Chancellor George Osborne in his December Statement.

Our Political reporter Bartholomew Utterswaithe, just back from his one-day winter break on the rowing boat lake in Basford, Nottingham, quoted: "Tolling can take account of where and when a driver is using certain roads, but road tolls are a very visible charge and likely to prove rather tricky to sell to a largely sceptical electorate."

He spoke to a Minister's PA, who preferred not to be identified; pointing out that 1.93 million people registered their objection to road-pricing on the Downing Street website.

Angelico Poncemby-Smythe, assistant in the Treasury department and third cousin twice removed to David Cameron, and ex supplier of Ukrainian eye-lash foundation gel and manicurist to William Hague, stated:
"The Caring nature of the Conservative part of the Coalition has often been underestimated."

Bartholomew Utterswaithe:
"'Ow du yer work that art then?"

Angelico Poncemby-Smythe:
"Well the voting intentions poll has Labour on 40%, and the Conservatives on 34%, and if we are so bad, how come we're get such support after we've fiddled our expenses, lied about VAT, put the price of booze up, been boo'd at the Olympics, frozen benefits, let fuel prices rocket, slash the Armed Forces, cripple the police force, ... and still we're only 7 points behind?"

Bartholomew Utterswaithe:
"Yer, but wot yer actually done thuts bin kind like?"

Angelico Poncemby-Smythe:
"Well, we decided not to sell Dover to the French… "

Bartholomew Utterswaithe:
"Yer!"

Angelico Poncemby-Smythe:
"And I'm very pleases to tell you that the Government will effectively waive the VAT on sales of the Hillsborough disaster single…"

Bartholomew Utterswaithe:
"Yer…"

Angelico Poncemby-Smythe:
"And we might consider thinking about the possibility of creating a white paper consultative committee to advice on our resisting the EU iTax being puy on UK mobile devices!"

Bartholomew Utterswaithe:
"Un wot 'as this got to go wiv road tolls then?"

Angelico Poncemby-Smythe:
"Road-Tolls?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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