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Saturday, 24 November 2012

image for Lederhosen of the Third Reich Evil Nazis burn instruction books on how to make other types of trouser

(Soon to be a Channel 7 documentary).
We continue our series to find the most evil trousers that ever existed. It is uncommon to find an item of clothing which can truly be labelled evil. Throughout history only a handful of such garments have existed - Chairman Mao's dungarees, Stalin's waders, Shakin' Steven's jeans. To that list we must surely add : The Lederhosen Of The Third Reich.

Adolf Hitler rarely wore lederhosen in public. At rallies he preferred to wear a military pantaloon with enormous side pockets, as was common at the time. However, a short video exists of him performing an obscure Bavarian chicken dance in his lederhosen. Be warned that this footage is truly terrifying and can lead to strokes or instant death to anyone who sees it.

Lederhosen was not limited to the Fuhrer. The ordinary German soldier was encouraged to wear them when not in uniform. It was believed that the tightness around the crotch would guard against impotence and homosexuality. It also meant the troops could perform spontaneous German thigh slapping folk dances whenever they wanted. It is hard to describe the sheer horror of these displays. Imagine the Krankies Morris dancing in a gay nightclub during Octoberfest and you might have something close to it.

Perhaps the most evil use of lederhosen of all was in the bombing of Coventry. By mistake, Luftwaffe Squadron 7F dropped 2000 boxes of freshly pressed lederhosen over the West Midlands town. The result was carnage. Locals wept when they saw the short-legged leather garment draped all over their otherwise ordinary British town. Churchill himself was said to be devastated at the atrocity. Thankfully the German bombers returned the next day and destroyed the evidence of their hideous war crime by bombing the town into oblivion.

Lederhosen of the Third Reich - a truly evil trouser.

Next week : The Jodhpurs of Genghis Khan.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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