Written by Gail Farrelly
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Sunday, 14 October 2012

image for No  Malarkey, Giant Eyeball Found on Florida Beach! Lady Gaga has her eye on the eyeball.

Things will never be the same in Pompano Beach, Florida. Not since a giant blue eyeball was found on the beach there.

No definite info yet as to how it got there or who owns it. As news of the eyeball spread, there were a variety of reactions.

"I say it belongs to big brother," said a Florida teenager. "He's always watching, y'know."

An older lady on the beach was sure the eyeball belonged to a Texan. She argued, "I'm thinking of that line, The eyes of Texas are upon you, from the 1903 song, The Eyes of Texas, by John Sinclair." Pointing down to the huge eyeball, she continued, "Here's one of 'em anyway."

Minnie the Mermaid, tsk-tsking quite a few times, weighed in from her seaweed bungalow at the bottom of the sea. "There goes the neighborhood -- glug, glug, glug," she said, opining that the owner of the eyeball should get a citation for littering. She added, "Good grief, don't we all know that, when you leave, you're supposed to take all your belongings with you?"

Crystal ("Don't It Make my Brown Eyes Blue") Gayle pointed out that the blue eyeball could actually be brown, but wearing a blue contact lens. "Important info for ID purposes," she said.

Most surprising of all was the press release of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. They're thinking of changing the lyrics to their old tune, Can't Take My Eyes Off of You. In light of the present finding on the Florida beach, they feel their song seems kind of tacky.

Meanwhile, it's just been reported that Lady Gaga hopes to acquire the eyeball and fashion it into an eye-popping hat to be worn to the next Grammy Awards ceremony!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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