Written by armfeetandtoe
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Thursday, 11 October 2012

Jimmy Savile arrives at the gates of heaven St. Peter ushers him into a side room.

"Hello Mr Savile, I need to have a word about a couple of things that have come to light"

"Oh, now then Pete, no more praise, I know how much good I did down there" says Savile.

"The name is Peter, Mr Savile and there is little praise in what I have to ask".

"Now then, friend, if it's about the knocked off gold I wore, I was doing a friend a favour".

"No Mr Savile, we overlooked that in light of the ten million pounds for charity. It is a little more serious and could mean you being sent away from here to a much darker place" replies St. Peter.

"Never happen old fruit, I have banked enough points with the big fella to ensure that".

"One cannot store in heaven, the good deeds one did on earth Mr Savile"

"Look, now then, chap, I am Sir Jimmy Savile and on earth I was king of the celebrity and untouchable, so whatever you have on me, will not make one bit of difference, the big man has a place for me and I bet it is on the front row with Mother Teresa and Lady Diana Spencer".

"Not quite, they did not interfere with little girls and use their power to corrupt children and blackmail weak and vulnerable people into giving money they did not own or have". Answered St. Peter

"Clean as snow me, never one word of complaint from anyone Pete, you got it wrong".

"Not quite James, we have a list of names that have prayed for you to rot in hell, every complaint has been verified and recorded in the book. I have a cheque in the sum of forty eight million pounds.

You have been paid, and now you will be rewarded. From here, you will be taken to a place of darkness and foreboding, where you will suffer greater than you made others suffer, it will be for an eternity that will see no end and you will relive that torture as a new day. Your escort, Mr Idi Amin will assist you in your journey to your new home, have a nice day Mr Savile watch your footing on the descent down the stairs, don't want you ending up in Stoke Mandeville hospital do we".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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