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Monday, 27 August 2012

image for Professor Norton Folgate's Theory on Lions D'oh.............

In the sometime occasional series by Professor Norton Folgate there have been many fascinating and intriguing topics and today's is no exception.

With the startling news that there may or may not be a Lion on the loose in Essex, innit, we thought it would be fairly topical to ask the Professor on his theory on Lions and what would make one want to escape from the relative comfort, or maybe discomfort, of captivity.

The results may not be what you were expecting.

"Well, you see, the thing is with Lions they like to roam around when they are not sleeping or killing something.

Lions are quite an old species, introduced in ancient Roman times to keep the numbers of Gladiators at bay, but everyone knows that so we won't dwell.

In fact, what most people don't realise is that Russell Crowe was in fact a Lion who, until he was defeated, was undefeated against the gladiators.

It wasn't until he was defeated by a gladiator that he lost the title of being undefeated but the producers of films such as 'Gladiator' and the television series 'Sparticus' didn't think champion lions eating all and sundry would make for very good audiences so they turned him into a man.

Another theory is that the lion was invented because people born between July 22 and August 23 were jealous of the Gemini Twins, but that is someone else's theory so we can discount it.

Anyhoo, I think this lion in Essex is not Russell Crowe as he is probably in New Zealand talking to photographers or something so we can discount that theory.

It's more likely that this lion is one from the local zoo that has been let out for a bit of exercise. They will get it back soon and everyone will think they have just seen a dog."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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