Written by Michael Balton
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Sunday, 26 August 2012

image for New York Mets take away 11 'positives' from the 2012 season Swings and misses.

New York - With their season running off the rails, the New York Mets have already started to take a look back at the year to see what positives can be salvaged from the train wreck. They found 11:

1. The plan to add performance enhancing drugs to the hotdogs at Citi Field has been successful. Mets fans are singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" much more enthusiastically.

2. The sawdust in Mr. Met's head was certified to be termite free.

3. The sawdust in owner Fred Wilpon's head was certified to be content free.

4. Bringing in the outfield fences at Citi Field proved to be so beneficial, the Mets are thinking about moving home plate to second base.

5. Pitching coach Dan Warthen finally got some new glasses. He can now distinguish between his wife and the bullpen catcher without touching them.

6. Fewer fans mean less wear and tear on the Citi Field upholstery.

7. Convinced 12 "investors" to provide $20 million each for the right to be silent partners in the team. Each new "partner" also receives an authentic Jose Reyes autographed bat and a St. Ponzi medal.

8. The Mets' new Player Immigration Department successfully deported Jason Bay to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

9. Unpaid electric bill means all day games next season.

10. Cancelled Joe Paterno Bobble Head Tribute just in time.

11. Bernie is still behind bars.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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