Written by CaptainSausage
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Thursday, 26 July 2012

image for Writing E-pet-aphs Tiddles: didn't like the Dyson

Gladys Mycock has an unusual job. He/she used to work as a transsexual bra-fitter, but has found more satisfying work in the world of writing poetic epitaphs for family pets.

"It's not so much about the imagery, it's more important to find something that rhymes," he/she says.

This week has been busy after the local pet shop burnt down. Gladys has been run off his/her feet trying to pen suitable short poems for the tragic animal lives cut short.

Here are a couple he/she came up with today:
A doggie in the window,
A best friend and a guard,
No name, no sad owner,
Just a labradoodle charred.

Goldfish swimming in a bowl,
Such a shame it had to end
But now your corpse will float for ever
Somewhere past the u-bend

Not all this week's orders are from the pet shop. One is for a famous local racehorse:
Lucky was your name, but clearly you were not
When at the first fence you fell and then had to be shot

Finally I ask Gladys if he/she will write an epitaph for a pet cat I lost a long time ago to an unfortunate accident.
My dearest moggie Tiddles,
So soon was your life over,
You fell asleep behind the chair,
And got sucked in the hoover.

Gladys Mycock can be found on the internet and will write an epitaph for your pet for a small fee. Or you can copy one of the ones here free of charge.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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