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Saturday, 23 June 2012

image for The rise and rise of Inchcock Part One Duke Skoob calls the dogs "Off"

Inchcock was born in a poverty stricken back street of Knightsbridge, London. His parents had moved from Mayfair some months earlier because the next door neighbours did not have a Butler or maid.

It was a sparse existence; the family could not afford Izal toilet paper. Inchcocks family lived hand to mouth they had hands and used their mouths. When Inchy was six, he was sent to stay with an auntie in south London it was here that his love of horses and Corgi dogs began. His fondest memory is being able to play soldiers on the parade ground near the park. Oh how they laughed when he let loose a cannon and blew up St James Park tube station.

After a year in the Tower of London Inchcock was released and returned to his family in Knightsbridge. They had moved, and he found himself at the mercy of Lord and Lady Lynton who gave him shelter. The shelter was in the back garden and Inchcock remembers asking if; "Anderson will mind a ten year old occupying his home".

Lord and Lady Lynton made sure Inchcock received the best education money could buy they enrolled him in the Eton English language school Hounslow. Inchcock was a model pupil the art classes used him almost every day and he left the school with five diplomas. When he had delivered them, he made his way back to Lord and Lady Lynton only to discover they had hung themselves.

The note on the door read; "Inchy, we are at the end of our tethers" when he looked down, he saw his bags had been packed and he was once again, on the trot. However, a favourite Uncle lived just down the road so Inchcock called on them in the hope they could help.

The Duke and Duchess of Skoob could not believe the sixteen year old boy had been abandoned.
Inchcock was shown into the reception hall where the Butler, Jives, removed his coat, trousers and pants, he was interrupted by the Duke who warned the butler about his conduct. Inchcock was employed as the Dukes gardener. He would smother himself in beef dripping to prevent the guard dogs from biting his bum Inchcock did not have to wash for a year. One day, that would all change.

Duke Skoob found Inchcock in the garden being licked by the Dobermans, he called them off. Inchcock wondered why the Duke called his dogs, "Off" The Duke told Inchcock he was now eighteen and would have to leave the house and make his own way in the world.

Inchy thought the Duke was a lot older and should be putting his feet up rather than leaving the house.

I8 year old Inchcock would now go out into the world and make his fortune or end up in shtook.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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