Written by Michael Balton
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Saturday, 21 April 2012

image for Are Your Fish Getting Enough Exercise? What kind of oil should fish take to protect their hearts?

The problem with home aquariums is that they're too small and confining. The fish can't swim the natural distances they need to get sufficient exercise.

I was thinking about this the other day when I realized that someone should invent a treadmill for fish. It can be called the Sea Master or the Fin Cycle or some other cute name.

Some entrepreneur will work out the details, make an infomercial about it and sell millions. (You are sorely missed, Steve Jobs.)

Then it dawned on me. The device I was thinking about already existed. In fact one was sitting in my kitchen.

Without wasting another second, I gathered up my pet angelfish Gabriel, and whisked him into the kitchen. I quickly found what I needed right on the counter, plugged in and ready to go. Gabriel and I were about to make aquatic history.

I filled the blender with water and lowered Gabriel in for a vigorous workout against the whirling current.

Turns out, Gabriel wasn't as strong a swimmer as one might imagine. But the sashimi smoothie was delicious.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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