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Monday, 26 March 2012

image for Psychology Professor creates new syndrome in his lunch break

I'm sitting in Starbucks sat opposite the man of the moment - Martin Gamble, Professor of Behaviour, Undestanding and Motivation at the University of Redbrick. Martin has a unique gift, he is able to create a new Psychological Syndromes in his lunch break

I ask Martin how he does it? Martin laughs and throws back his lustrous brown hair. He has a warm laugh. It's like taking a bath in rich cream liqueur whilst being sucked off by a beautiful Thai virgin -I'm sorry where was I?

"I call it Cappucino/Latte Indecision Type-2 syndrome or CLIT-2 syndrome." says Martin "This is a more extreme version of CLIT-1, where sufferers have difficulty deciding between the Belgian-Mocha-Choca-Frappa-Latte and the Cappa-Frappa-Mocca-Sundae. We haven't had a chance to study the condition, and there's a good chance it doesn't exist, but we are quite excited about it because we can potentially make a shed-load of cash from book sales, and it probably won't do our academic careers any harm either!"

The first thing that strikes you when you meet Martin Gamble is his piercing blue eyes. The kind of smiling, laughing, eyes that fixate on you, drawing you in, like you're the only person in the world, ... if I wasn't a happily married, heterosexual man I could- er...Where was I?

We order lunch. Martin compliments me on my choice of beverage, and I blush! All of a sudden, I feel as giddy as a teenage girl who is about to be deflowered by the high-school quarterback- er.. what was I saying?

I ask Martin tell me about his typical day and he obliges willingly. Waking everyday at 6pm sharpe. He sleeps (in only his boxers) under luxurious satin sheets. Once awake, he steps into a steaming hot shower. Suddenly I feel an urge to- [continued on Page 9]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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