Written by K.C. Bell
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Tuesday, 13 March 2012

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When Barack Obama selected Joe Biden instead of Hillary Clinton as vice president, the Republican power brokers embarked upon a strategy to win the disappointed and seemingly disenfranchised female Democratic vote: Run someone with a vagina, and Republicans will win.

No problem! What difference would it make to women? A vagina is a vagina; a skirt, a skirt. Many called this John McCain's, "Hail Mary Pass."

So Republican power brokers selected: "I can see Russia from my kitchen!"

Oh, hail Mary!

The hail Mary pass soon became an interception and run for the winning touchdown, when: "I can see Russia from my kitchen!" was asked, "What newspapers do you read?"

Pass the gin.

Four years later, the Republicans are at it again. It's "get even" with women who did not vote for the Republican ticket last time around: You didn't vote for the skirt? Well little lady, we're going to take away your birth control, abortion rights, give you trans-vaginal ultra sound screenings, and put you back in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.

A vote for Rick Santorum means four additional children in four years. Give him a second term, and you'll have eight.

In some states, (of these United States) a fertilized egg (that can only be viewed with a microscope) has more rights than a woman. The Personhood Bill says life begins after a man pops his stuff into a woman's body. Bingo! It's a tax payer.

Men wrote the Personhood Bill. Men passed the Personhood Bill. But men never volunteer their bodies to host an egg fertilized with their stuff.

Big, gigantic Hail Mary there, or "I can see Russia from my kitchen!"

A woman who attempted to clarify the situation was called a slut and a prostitute by the titular head of the Republican party.

The Speaker of the House called his words, "Inappropriate." Gutless.

Mitt Romney said he wouldn't have used those words. Really? Therefore the content was okay? Another gutless.

Republicans forgot the lesson taught by women offended by the "vagina/skirt" strategy. Besides running households, women know about clocks. Clocks don't run backwards.

Touchdown!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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