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Sunday, 4 March 2012

image for The Dorking Sentinel: The Online Forum Discusses Easter Jabez Trandle used to make the balaclavas that protected the Dorking chickens from the Mole Valley frosts.

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dorksent.web>living>Dorking>Eastre Com-prattitune!

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 11 Feb 2012:
Why do we nott celbrete Eastre like in the oldan day's thises day's? May Wiff an'd I goe shopine eche day's and there are onlie thies mas-marcyutred, mas-manfracturd "Eastre-Egge's" in the shopes. Wheyre arr the ege-mayker'z of Dorkinge nowdaze? Mie Wiffs Victioriane grate-Unclel Ederbad, Edrbret, Edlbert mad'e woddun eggz in hise shope in Clappe St. Theses eggz whure woddun and soe culde be usde yere on yere oute. Ware's the cratfmein now to do these thinges? May Wiff hase an ide'a. Wheigh nott hav'e an Eastre com-prattishen to mak'e woddun eggze aned paynet theme and hav an cebleritie jugges,judgges,jugde?

I vute fur JORDUN fer celbretrie JUGGES (donut tell'e the Wiff LOL!)! ROFLLMAOLOL arf! arfe!

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 12 Feb 2012:
Cum on! Whare rar yew's? Whare's rar you's? (Ia'm nott Deliayh Smthithe naythur!) I's nobrody hinstreste'd? Letze haf JORDUNE in Dorkinge! Id'e haf hure anywier'e LOL (dona't tel'e me Wiff!)

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 12 Feb 2012:
Poste's yare surjsterunes hier fer are EASTRE CUM-PRATTISHUN'E. Letz'e hea'r it fea'r JORDUN! JORDUN 4 JUGGE's, JUDDERGS,JUDDGERS!

PICKWICK posted 14 Feb 2012:
I think this is a splendid initiative. It's good to see that Dorking has not yet fallen to the New Barbarism. But soft! I cannot tarry. I must hie me to the greenwood, in search of "wodd" for my "woddun Eastre Egge's"!

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 15 Feb 2012:
Treyen ter B funey sonshin'e? Eh'e?

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 15 Feb 2012:
Treyen ter B funey sonshin'e? Eh'e?

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 15 Feb 2012:
Treyen ter B funey sonshin'e? Eh'e?

PICKWICK posted 15 Feb 2012:
Nay, Heaven forfend that I should attempt to lock horns with a Wit of your calibre. But tell me, noble heart, where would'st thou advise I obtain the best "wodd" for my "Eastre Egge"? Hmm? And I am keen to discover the true nature of this "wodd"? Does it resemble the "woad" worn as body-paint by the Ancient Britons? Many thanks.

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 15 Feb 2012:
Ha ha ha ha ha. Dunn'o maty'e boute "WOAD" but yore "WEERD",yuo sime a rit'e ponse. JORDUN too much'e fer yier? Mi'e Wiff sez yov prbibly nevvir had a wumman in ye'r lief'. Liek boyze eh "dikkwik"? (wotz "pickwikk" mein'e anyway'z).

PICKWICK posted 16 Feb 2012:
My dear chap, for one who purports to be an upholder of the Dorking "Heritrege", you are surprisingly ignorant of the import of the name "Pickwick". Google it. And please stop interrupting me. I am painting my "Eastre Egge". This is one tournament I am desperate to win.

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 16 Feb 2012:
I gogl'ed,googlie'd,goggligeled. Corse we knou'w what "pikkwike" is. We hav'e a coff'e in "Pikkwikks'" when'e the markitt'e is one in Dorkinge. Smartars prik.

PICKWICK posted 16 Feb 2012:
I rest my case.

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 17 Feb 2012:
Thatte best'e youw'e can doe DIKWIK? Prik.

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 18 Feb 2012:
I sene DIKWIK offe I thin'ke.

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 18 Feb 2012:
Ware ar yer'e DIKWIK? Key-bore'd warriiure eh! LOL

KEPE ARE EASTRE HERITREGE posted 19 Feb 2012:
Havine a wankke DIKWIK PRIKWIK?

DORKSENTMOD posted 19 Feb 2012:
I'm calling time on this thread, folks.


dorksent.web>living>Dorking>Easter Parade?

EDWINBLEACHER posted 15 Feb 2012:
With Easter just around the corner, I thought I would raise the subject of the old Parades. It's too late for this year but next...? 2014 will be the 100th anniversary of the last Dorking Easter Parade so what better way than to have a Parade next year the year before as a precursor to a broad tradition in its infancy gone but not forgotten.

FIRESTARTER posted 15 Feb 2012:
The kids love a parade! It keeps them off the streets!

EDWINBLEACHER posted 16 Feb 2012:
The old Parades used to be led by the Vicar and two maidens and would begin in the Shambles and work their way round by the Pump Rooms, the Abbatoir and the Surrey Town-Criers' Retirement Home, before heading out north, to Westhumble. At Westhumble they were fed 'Humbles Cakes' and cinnamon-spiced 'Coddy Ale' by the Westhumble Matrons. Then they worked on to Cowslip Lane, Cowslip Farm (where the farmer always presented them with a painted goose egg and an embroidered fobbler), Mole Cottage (the cottager welcomed them with collops of Shabby Bread and Sour Ale) and finally Norbury Park House, where Lord Westhumble would lay on an Easter Supper.

FIRESTARTER posted 16 Feb 2012:
I'd love a job with this parade. It'd be better than walking the streets!

EDWINBLEACHER posted 18 Feb 2012:
After their Easter Supper, the Parades would wind their way, lit by fixed lanthorns made from horn and coloured glass, across the Norbury Park Estate, into the woods, and would camp in a clearing at Druids Grove. After prayers and hymns, the Rite of Druids Grove would be held, involving egg-throwing, omelette, and egg-nog. The young people would dress as Dorking Cockerels and Hens and the traditional frolics would ensue, including "which came first: the chicken or the egg?", "find the hen's teeth" and "pluck the vicar". These games prefigure the modern statue of the Dorking Cockerel which controversially stands on the Deepdene roundabout.

FIRESTARTER posted 18 Feb 2012:
Sounds like a plucking good time to me!

FIRESTARTER posted 18 Feb 2012:
Unlike the Dorking Cockerel! Pluck that! What a plucking mistake that is!

MOLEVALLEYYOUNGFARMERS posted 18 Feb 2012:
Give it a rest Firestarter. Put up or shut up. Some of us have to work for a living. I think MVYF would be really interested in this. It's a grand tradition. I'm sure our members would be delighted to negotiate favourable rates on providing catering, transport, and would be happy to let you cross our land at a reasonable price. Times are hard for farmers these days with right to roam and we are still recovering from Labour!

2BAPILGRIM posted 20 Feb 2012:
Excuse me but I live in Pilgrim's Way Westhumble. Are we to be consultetated on this or is it another DORKING COCKEREL? I shudder to think of all these "town-criers" and "dancing virgins" trampling our flower-beds and lawns. Did we drive out the circususises for this? How did they rope the Vicar in? Does the Bishop of Dorking know what's going on? I feel another letter to Crumple House coming on.

VEGANWARRIOR posted 21 Feb 2012:
I have vegan artist friends from Denbighshire who are insulted by the Dorking Cockerel eyesore every time they visit us in their converted Foden Chicken Carrier. They have to blindfold the twins, Acteon and Diana, and sing the medieval motets of William of Winchcomb.

EDWINBLEACHER posted 24 February 2012:
I seem to have stirred up quite a debate! Actually, there is an interesting link between the Parades and the Dorking Cockerel. In the late 19th century the Easter Parades were sponsored by Jabez Trandle's of Gimble Street, who manufactured the special balaclavas worn by local Dorking chickens in winter to protect their comb points during the notorious Mole Valley frosts. I was one who argued that the Cockerel statue should have been depicted wearing one of Trandle's balaclavas, but the modernists won, as we all know!

FIRESTARTER posted 24 February 2012:
Gee thanks, Ed baby. Good to see you're fighting the big issues!

CLIVE posted 25 February 2012:
The Dorking chickens have five claws, you know, rather than the standard four. I know this, since my Uncle George "Nitrate" Clamberton, of Mickleham, used to keep Cuckoo Dorkings. I stayed at Uncle's every Easter and I can tell you that we never saw any of these parades going past. We knew old Mrs Clasper of Mole Cottage, and I can say without fear of contrapunction that her bread was far from shabby. What is more, she would not be caught dead giving bread and ale away to passing frolickers, Easter or no. She used to throw mouldy potatoes at tramps, and knife-grinders would get the washing-up water if they weren't sharp. I never found out why they called my Uncle "Nitrate". They all did it, even Mrs Clasper and Sid Tamp the nightsoil-collector. Auntie never called him "Nitrate" of course. She stuck to the more familiar "Lodestone" when calling him down for breakfast and such.

EDWINBLEACHER posted 25 February 2012:
That's really interesting Clive. Perhaps I might suggest that the main reason you didn't see any parades when you visited your Uncle is that the last parade was held in 1914? No offence, but I did imply that in a previous post. I would be interested in recording some of your reminiscences, if you were willing. I am aware of a man named Sidney Tump, who lived in the Mickleham area and collected nightsoil from the Norbury Park estate, and would be interested to find out if this is the man you refer to as "Sid Tamp". Again, no offence.

FIRESTARTER posted 25 February 2012:
Wow, you know some stuff, Ed. Did you ever think about getting a life?

DORKSENTMOD posted 26 February 2012:
Right, that's you barred, sunshine.

CLIVE posted 27 February 2012:
Neither old Mrs Clasper nor Sid Tamp never mentioned no Parades neither. You'd think they would mention them, if she'd given out bread and ale in her younger days and Sid had collected the nightsoil off the estate while all the frolics was going on. If I recall rightly, Sid wasn't a man as would forget the sight of Easter maidens frolicking in Druids Grove with a plucked Vicar in a hurry. He was always an observant man. The nightsoil collector always had to keep an eye out. This recording of my remissions, my reminiscencings, this recording - how much would I get paid then?

CALENDARGURLZ posted 27 February 2012:
Hi, here at Holmwood WI we are no prudes (the "120 Days of Sodom" calendar is still available by the way!) as everyone knows but we are a bit worried about these riots you are proposing in Druids Grove. Should we really be encouraging this kind of thing after what happened last summer across this country? True, you mention only egg-throwing, omelettes, and we know the Vicar will be present, but there is a danger things could escalate. Our own calendar's sadomasochism was purely symbolic and was hidden behind strategic mixing bowls and vacuum cleaners and vats of strawberry jam etc. We would never condone sodomy, rape and torture, despite the letters in the Dorking Sentinel and People's Friend.

EDWINBLEACHER posted 28 February 2012:
No offence, ladies, but I think you will find I said "Rites" not "riots"! Actually, there are connections between the Marquis de Sade and the old Dorking Easter Parades, when it comes to what Lord Westhumble used to do to the two maidens late at night, once "pluck the Vicar" had come to an end and the Reverend gentleman was sleeping off the nettle wine. If you are interested, there are more details perhaps not for this forum but you know how to PM me - purely in the interests of research of course!

DORKSENTMOD posted 29 February 2012:
I'm winding this one up right here, folks. What you get up to in your own time is your affair, but keep it off the forum.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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