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Sunday, 4 March 2012

image for 21 Questions about Senior Citizens Answered by a US Senior Citizen! "It's Your Mental Age That Counts, Silly"

The following (with permission) is based on Inchcock's magazine article "20 questions about Senior Citizens answered by a Senior Citizen," but from a US readers perspective. It's akin to Rachmaninoff's Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini.

1) Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: Look in the adult bookstore under PORN videos.

2) Q: How can a man cope during his wife's menopause?
A: See the answer to question 1.

3) Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?
A: Tell him she's pregnant with the cable guy's twins.

4) Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?
A: Don't wear a brassiere or have a boob job. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.

5) Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?
A: They put stuffed animals, tennis balls and plastic flowers on their car antennas. But so does everyone else!

6) Q: Do Senior Citizens have problems storing their short term memories?
A: No, they keep them on laptop computers, iPads and Blackberries.

7) Q: Do Senior Citizens have deeper sleep?
A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoons while working, as early retirement is only for people who live in Greece!

8) Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?
A: On top of their heads or under their butts.

9) Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by Senior Citizens when they visit antique shops?
A: Oh, I have lots of this junk at home would you like to buy it?

10) Q: What is the most common thing that Senior Citizens lose trust in?
A: Politicians promises made at Seniors Citizens meetings!

11) Q: What do Senior Citizens think of the President?
A: The answer will vary, dependent on whether you mean Ronald Reagan or Barack Obama!

12) Q: Do Senior Citizens like modern music?
A: Yes, but up until the 1970's!

13) Q: What would Senior Citizens be most likely to give their grandchildren at Christmas?
A: X-Boxes, iPods, computer games and MP4 players to be used in another room. See the answer to question 16.

14) Q: What foods do Senior Citizens miss most?
A: Prime rib, pizza, real ice cream and double cheeseburgers which they swear to begin eating again when reaching 80 years of age!

15) Q: Why do Senior Citizens take so long to get on a bus?
A: They need time to memorize where they parked their cars so they can find them in the morning, as they don't drive at night! Also see the answer to question 5.

16) Q: What would Senior Citizens most like their grandchildren to give them for Christmas?
A: Peace and quiet!

17) Q: Do Senior Citizens still believe in Santa Claus?
A: Well some still believe in Obamacare!

18) Q: Do Senior Citizens still bath/shower as often as they used to?
A: Yes in Miami Beach, the Villages, Arizona lakes, San Diego and on cruise ships.

19) Q: Do Senior Citizens still watch crime series on TV?
A: Not since Matlock and Murder She Wrote went off the air!

20) Q: Where do Senior Citizens visit most often?
A: The toilet, Medicare offices and the various specialist doctors!

21) Q: Who visits Senior Citizens the most often?
A: Care workers, emergency responders, debt collectors and scam artists!


Of course, these answers are only my opinion, but should you feel sufficiently offended call my gerontologist at 1-800-SR-MOMENT.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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