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Sunday, 19 February 2012

image for My Senior Moments - W/E Sunday 19th February 2012 Sunday 19th February 2012

Selected Senior Moments suffered by a Nottingham Senior Citizen. In the hopes of raising a laugh at them, and making them easier to live with.

Sunday 12th February:
* Woke up, went into kitchen and thought 'That's nice, it's not so cold this morning'. I'd left the oven on all night!
* Made a cuppa, then put the tea bags in the fridge and left the milk out?
* Put me Impetigo cream on me lesions, and me lesion gel on me Impetigo spots. Within a few moments the pain told me I'd done something wrong, I swore at myself.

Monday 13th February:
* Went for my first long walk for several day now the snow and ice has nearly cleared away, went into town dropping regular involuntary emissions from the rear as I plodded on - I nearly cleared all the people from the tills in the Pound shop! - then again a Primark. Whistled and tried to look innocent.
* Got home, found letters had been delivered, bent down to pick um up, and the escaping wind turned to a more solid escaping medium!
* Left the hot water tap running for a couple of hours, God I'm worried about the electricity bill.
* Put pasty in oven, fell asleep. Oh the smoke!

Tueday 14th February:
* Got caught talking to the pigeons again this morning, received a look of amazement from the window cleaner.
* Poddled a mile or so up to the shops in Sherwood, when I got there I wondered why I had poddled a mile or so up to the shops in Sherwood?
* Got home, found I'd left the heater on in the bathroom - God I'm worried about the electricity bill.
* Burnt finger on lesion when taking out potato from the oven. Cursed a bit.

Wednesday 15th February:
* Went on Spoof forum about 0330hrs, heard a noise from front of the house, peeked out of the door to see what it was, and saw it was police raiding a house opposite, nothing new there then, shut the door and trapped my already burnt lesion finger in the door.
* Got caught 'Again' talking to the pigeons - I really must try to remember to put my hearing aids in when feeding them!
* Burnt me beef pasty... nodded off, sod it.

Thursday 16th February:
* Hobbled into town to get some trousers, spent hours going around trying to get some 28" leg ones to fit me short length legs. Gave up, and got the cheapest 29" length ones I could find. Got home and realised I'd got the wrong waist size! Never mind, the rate I'm putting on weight they'll fit by the time I need um!
* The feet were hurting, and the arthritis in the knees bothering me, so I caught the bus home - and sat red faced as the involuntary emissions of wind started and remained for the entire journey. I must mention these again to the doctor.
* Just got in the house in time... flippin' water tablets!

Friday 17th February:
* Put Impetigo cream on knees in error of Ibuprofen pain gel, still it'll keep the impetigo welts off me knees?
* Had a (painful) walk into Arnold to do some shopping at Asda, amazingly the lady on the check-out had similar lesions to mine, we spoke briefly about our symptoms, and off I went leaving behind my umbrella.

Saturday 18th February:
* Decided today I'd de-coke and clean my hearing aids. When I find them, I will do so.
* Very windy this morning, so I put on my Andy Cap when I fed the birds - it's amazing how far the wind can carry a cap!

Sunday 19th February: Morning
* Hobbled to the postbox, to send off the filled in return questionnaire form envelope to the Cardiac Unit at the QMC. Came home to find the filled in return questionnaire form envelope on the laptop! What I posted in the letter box remains a mystery?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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