Written by Roy Turse
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Friday, 27 January 2012

image for All Sent Items: To Katie1988 From SteveTheMan

To: Katie1988@topmail.com
From: SteveTheMan@talktalc.co.uk
Hi Katie - it was so nice to finally meet you! After exchanging all those emails about family trees and both being new to the whole ancestry thing it was handy to exchange ideas. I've found a few more distant relatives on my Dad's side, so my tree is beginning to fill out now. How are you getting on? Maybe we could meet up again to chat about it?

To: Katie1988@topmail.com
From: SteveTheMan@talktalc.co.uk
What a great evening! Hope you had fun too! It's amazing to think we only met through the ancestry website but get on so well. I've now filled in a few more gaps and found that I have a Great Uncle Robert - didn't you say you had one too? Anyway, I'm looking forward to the weekend.

To: Katie1988@topmail.com
From: SteveTheMan@talktalc.co.uk
Wow Katie - that was amazing. I don't normally get involved with someone so quickly, but we just seem to click. I think it's because we seem to have so much in common. Like both having an Auntie Maud who lives in Brighton. I'll see you tonight - can't wait!

To: Katie1988@topmail.com
From: SteveTheMan@talktalc.co.uk
Hey Babes! You are so beautiful! I hope that this is not going too quickly for you, but I have never felt this way before. I'm hoping you are feeling the same, especially now we know we have matching dimples!

I know we didn't get to talk about the family tree stuff last night, but I just found another weird coincidence - we both had family living in the same tiny village in Norfolk in the last census - what are the chances of that? Also, it seems after I was adopted my birth mother and father moved to the same town where you now live! Strange eh? See you later.

To: Katie1988@topmail.com
From: SteveTheMan@talktalc.co.uk
Listen, don't worry about it. It really freaked me out when you said we couldn't see each other any more. And even more so when you said why! Thank goodness it wasn't true.

I know you were worried that we were related, but as I proved to you, it was just a set of really strange coincidences. As you saw, our parents didn't even know each other and anyway, you were born in a different county. It must have been really scary until you saw that none of the surnames matched!

My poor beautiful Katie!

Well at least that means we don't have to split up. I couldn't stand that. In fact if you tried to leave me now, I really couldn't let you. I know it was a bit of a shock to find out I had made up a fake family tree just so I could meet you, but you wouldn't have agreed to see me if we had nothing in common. I'm sure you understand.

That's what was wrong with the others; they didn't understand, and they tried to leave me. And now look what's happened to their family trees.

Anyway babes, make sure you are ready when I come to pick you up tonight, and don't forget to wear the clothes I sent. Oh, and from now on I'm going to call you Miriam. That was my mother's name.
Love you

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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