Written by Proffitt
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Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Scientists agree bionic lenses will be available in the next 10 years and commercial concerns are already queuing up to take advantage.

Aside from the obvious applications the lens which fits over your eye offers: SatNav directions and assembly instructions, all beamed straight to the eye. Other ideas are now being suggested like: the one from Barnstable's 'Eye Eye Lovely' called an 'X-Ray Eye App!' Bob Wilson is a director and he told us: 'We have designed an eye app that when installed will allow the user to see directly through clothing. It works just like those X-Ray Specs you could buy from magazines of old.' Bob estimates thousands of teenagers will spend their hard saved cash on their app.

While X-Ray Specs are a fun application others are a little more serious. Take for instance the app from Midlands based company Home Op. Sales Manager Natalie Cope told us: 'Our app can send a detailed diagram direct to the lens telling the reader how to do any operation ever carried out.' She went on: 'Say your wife fancied a nose job to reduce a huge conk. All you would need is a: hammer, a bolster chisel, a small ruler, one of those kid's plastic protractors, our app and your away. Naturally it helps if your good at the old DIY or sculpting but most ops are easier than we think.'

And possibly the biggest investor will be the porn industry who are on standby to feed millions of quaga bites of information in the form of streaming vids, jpegs and gifs; displaying anything from: 'The titanic tits of Titan women' to 'Jized up jizathons of 2012.' Yes the people that bought us online streaming plan again to corner the 'Lewed Lens Market' as they call it.

'Imagine the scene,' said Allan Allcome of Red XXX. 'Some bloke is sitting in a boring sales meeting listening to some hot bird talk about yearly figures, when the only figure he's thinking of his hers! All he has to do is alert our app to send him some porn pics and while he's sat at the conference desk with his colleagues he can shuffle a quiet one off with his hand in his pocket. Did you know there's already an app that allows you to see through clothing?'

While there will be countless possibilities for such a device it's somewhat inevitable we will spend our money on the crap it presents.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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