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Saturday, 29 October 2011

image for Dorking Village Gazette An elderly poor person thrown out of Waitrose

Editor: Mrs Feliphant Opilove


Hello, and a warm wintery welcome. To the wealthy residents.

News:

Some poor elderly people were spotted shopping in Waitrose last week, the police were called, and they were removed.

Mrs Toak, of the Gables, Oswestry road, has complained about working class people standing at bus stops. I have had a word with the bus company, and they will be moved on.

Dorking Rabbit Sanding Society will be meeting in the vicars house this week so that the Dorking Bottom Stroking support group can have thier annual meeting.

Mr Lester Pumple, founder of the Dorking Hedge Fondling Hiders, is on the lookout for more members. So if you are interested, please meet with the group this saturday in the bushes at Meadowbank.

Society:

Mr and Mrs Faggle, are proud to announce the birth of thier son, Nummpy, at the weekend. Mimi the Aupair, was in labour for seven hours.

Mr and Mrs Wotipot, of the looms, West street, are happy to announce the marriage of thier son, Treebor, to Lady Milee Ming from Thailand. The bride will be in a wheelchair while revovering from the surgery.

Council Notices:

The poor and elderly will now have to obtain a permit to shop in the town high street.

Planning permission has been given to erect a wall surrounding the council estate. Barbed wire and cctv will be installed to prevent escape.

Please do not speak to dustmen or road sweepers. They are getting ideas above thier station. Any person found doing so, will be given a ticking off.

Final Word:

Dorking is about community. We pride ourselves on having a diverse culture, the rich and the poor. Lets hope we can all stay within our own class. No interbreeding here please!

Mrs Feliphant Opilove.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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