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Saturday, 22 October 2011

image for A True Diary of Woe - Part Twenty-four It amazes me why the youths of today buy drugs, when all they need is a pint and dose of Night Nurse!

A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and poverty, starting in August 1947

Chapter 38 - The Medical for the British Railway Job, and its findings

I'd applied for a job as a British Railways Goods Van Guard, got through the initial interview, and was sent to Derby Station to have my medical carried out.

I arrived at the Station, locked my push-bike to a lamppost, found the Medical office easily enough, entered, shown them my appointment letter, and sat awaiting being called in to the Doctor.

As I waited nervously, I glanced around seeing the notice on the wall telling us which Doctors were on duty that day.... they were Dr William Stroker, and Doctor Robin Banks.

I amused myself with thinking, that means I might get a Willie Stroker, or a bank robber doing my tests! I hoped for the crook as a preference.

When the examination was about half way through the two hours they said it would take, I was placed in a darkened little room, with a stool, and a desk with a monitor and two push buttons on it. I was told that they would close the curtain, and each time a double beep emitted, I was to press the left button, and when a red light appeared on the screen, I was to press the right button!

Sounded simple enough to me.

He closed the curtains, and I sat in the darkness waiting for for red light to show up, or the double beep to sound... and waited... and waited... I jumped as the curtain swished open, and a perplexed looking doctor said; "Shall we try that again?"

I'd had no idea up until then that I needed spectacles, was colour blind, and required two hearing aids, or that I had a hernia!

I failed the medical for the job, and got a puncture on the way home.

Chapter 39 - Flu & the Night Nurse Remedy

I was living in a ground floor flat at the time, when I got a bout of flu suddenly hit me. I had heard of the new 'Night Nurse medicine and how good it was, so I ventured to the chemist bought some, and took a swig.

I'd been out for a few pints at the local at lunchtime, but felt suddenly weary and tired, and after the one pint, I made my way back to the flat to get my head down.

I remember lying on the settee, unable to get up again, and kept falling asleep, and waking, each time I woke I felt dizzy and noticed the light coming through the window was getting less as the night moved on.

I woke up in the bedroom, not knowing how I had got there, and still feeling bad. I eventually got myself up, and walked through to the kitchen at the back, and saw the back door open. Nothing seemed out of order. As I walked into the garden, I heard the side gate open, and a policeman and woman approached me.

It seems the woman had complained about me dancing naked in the garden at 4 o'clock in the morning!

I tried to explain to them about the 'Night nurse' affecting me behaviour, and I could not remember anything about the incident.

Later I tried to explain to the magistrates about the 'Night nurse' affecting me behaviour, and I could not remember anything about the incident.

Later I tried to explain to my employers about the 'Night nurse' affecting me behaviour, and I could not remember anything about the incident.

Later I tried to explain to my lady-friend about the 'Night nurse' affecting me behaviour, and I could not remember anything about the incident.

Later I tried to explain to my landlady about the 'Night nurse' affecting me behaviour, and I could not remember anything about the incident.

So, I recommend that if you are taking Night Nurse medicine, do not drink alcohol!

It has amazed me ever since the incident, why the youths of today buy expensive drugs, when all they need to do is have drink a pint and take a dose of Night Nurse?

More to follow

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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