Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 1 September 2011

image for Two Singers, Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., and Anna Graceman Move On To The Finals of 'America's Got Talent'
Susan Boyle on her way to the grocery store to buy some kitty litter. (Photo courtesy of Simon Cowell).

HOLLYWOOD - It was quite a night for the America's Got Talent semi-final contestants.

Guest singers for the night included Nicki Minaj and Susan Boyle. Minaj was dressed like a black Alice in Wonderland and she paraded her humongous bouncing butt all over the AGT stage.

Dylan Fresno with Hollywood Vis-a-Vis remarked that Minaj's caboose makes Kim Kardashian's badonkadonk look like Kim's anorexic.

Piers Morgan reportedly whispered to Sharon Osbourne that Nicki's bum (butt) was so huge that he, her, Howie, and Nick could all play cards on it and still have enough room left over for a bowl of Doritos.

Susan Boyle sang her song and did not deviate an inch from the spot she stood on. Afterwards AGT Host Nick "The Candlestick" Cannon went over as he does with all singers and gave her a hug. But, low and behold, it was an unrequited hug as SuBo just stood there straight as a big old California redwood tree.

Poor Nick had to have felt about as tall (or as short) as Danny Devito or Snooki Polizzi. Ms. Boyle did not even thank the audience for their applause.

Sharon Osbourne turned to Howie Mandel and whispered that the lady from Scotland showed that she has all the personality of an orange traffic cone.

The acts chosen to go into the finals were Alaska's 11-year-old Anna Graceman who sang a John Philip Sousa march titled "Bullets and Bayonets" and Landau Eugene Murphy, Jr., who sang a medley of Frank Sinatra hits including "Strangers In The Night," "Something Stupid," "Chicago," "Cleveland," and "Cincinnati."

The Smage Brothers Riding Show, AKA Hee-Haw on Wheels were chosen by the judges to move on. Magician Landon Swank who once made the entire town of Yuma, Arizona disappear will also be in the finals as will the 42 members of the Silhouettes who automatically have an 18% gratuity added to their restaurant bill whenever they all eat out.

In a non-related story. Rick Perry was asked how he felt he would do in a debate against Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. Perry smiled and politely replied that he would kick both their asses so bad that neither one of them would be able to sit down for three days.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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