Written by NerdInBriefs
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

One Day, the new film set in England starring actress Anne Hathaway has led to open criticism from British actresses sidelined for the role, angry over her Rastafarian accent, when her character is supposed to be from the Yorkshire region of Northern England.

Kiera Knightley was pouting with fury from her summer holiday on the Pirates of the Caribbean island, whilst Rachel Weisz challenged Hathaway to a mud wrestle with her new husband Daniel Craig watching.

Conspiracy theorists have come out of the woodwork to say this Rasta accent was no accident, identifying American sweetheart Hathaway as part of a long term policy by the CIA, to undermine and discredit a fragile British film industry.

Hathaway was introduced to the CIA after meeting Meryl Streep, the CIAs most active agent, on the subversive fashion film Devil Wear Prada. During breaks, Streep captivated Hathaway in her trailer with her impassioned sermons on the evils of British filmmakers and Equity, the British Actors' Union, that has been linked with McCarthyism, the New York mafia, and the exile of Ricky Gervais and Russell Brand.

Incensed with rage at the underhanded Brits, Hathaway signed up immediately with the CIA. During filming for Alice in Wonderland she got valuable tips on how to play English characters from co-star Johnny Depp who advocated swapping her macrobiotic diet for natural hallucinogens.

It was a brave move to ask Hathaway to start her mission with the character of Anne in One Day, as this character comes from a region of England, Yorkshire, where each town speaks a different dialect unintelligible to each other. In an indication of the star system, Hathaway sacked her dialect coach after one sitting and insisted she would rely on clips on You Tube.

However, high on hallucinogens as Depp suggested, Hathaway became obsessed with the BBC TV children's series Rasta Mouse and picked up the character's Caribbean accent. Industry insiders say that once filming started, the director and producer were too scared to bring up the accent issue, fearful of her menacing assistant who is now understood to be her assigned CIA minder. Emergency meeting was held by the filmmakers to discuss if it was possible to change Hathaway's character's backstory, to say she came from a Caribbean island and to change her skin tone in post-production.

However these costs would have proved too prohibitive and the marketers from the studio said the US audiences wouldn't be able to spot the inaccuracies.

Now Hathaway has become persona non grata at CIA headquarters in Virginia as well as in Yorkshire, who are holding a 'We Hate Anne H Day'. Streep meanwhile has reported back to the CIA that Hathaway has fallen foul of her mission, becoming found of 'chip butties' and British programmes like Emmerdale and Hollyoaks. Worse Hathaway now believes the British thespian work ethic beats Hollywood's Winnebago obsessed celebrity culture and would prefer to focus on her craft doing pantomime for the rest of her life in Sheffield.

Hathaway is not the first to have messed up her CIA mission. The other actress according to conspiracists that failed to make the CIA grade was Rene Zellwegger who was assigned to work on Bridget Jones' Diary and get info on Hugh Grant. Her extreme dieting convinced her she was a lolly pop from Tonbridge Wells, Surrey.

Make NerdInBriefs's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 3?

7 6 9 16

Go to top