Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 27 August 2011

image for Emma Stone Responds To Jim Carrey's Complimentary Video Tribute
A recent photo taken of Jim Carrey's dining room table. (Photo courtesy of Charlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen).

LOS ANGELES - Jim Carrey sat in front of his computer and professed his attraction, admiration, and desire for the star of the motion picture The Help, Emma Stone.

Carrey, who at 49, is 27 years older than 22-year-old Stone told her that he has seen The Help six times and that each time he sees it she is the only one he sees up on the screen.

He said that he knows that Viola Davis who plays Aibileen, Octavia Spencer who portrays Minny, and Jessica Chastain who starred as Celia are all great actresses but the only one he saw up on the screen was Eugenia "Skeeter" Phelan (Emma).

Carrey went on to say that he knows that she is not only beautiful but that she is also kind-hearted, she watches her carb intake, she has great personal hygienic habits, and she doesn't pop her gum when she chews it.

He added that she reminds him a lot of Lindsay Lohan except without the 3,000 freckles, the diva bitch attitude, and that Johnny Walker Red smell.

Jim says he wants to take her camping to Yellowstone National Park and that if a bear comes up to their tent and tries to bite her he will take out his flashlight and beat the damn bear away and it won't matter if the bear ends up tearing up his expensive shirt which he has flown in from Paris.

Carrey then told her that they can sit around and play Pictionary in the nude if she likes or fully clothed if she prefers the choice is totally up to her. And he then noted that when they kiss she can end the kiss once she feels that she has had enough of his lips.

He ended the video by telling her that he will buy her a big home in Wyoming, another one in Delaware, and a third one in Finland.

Carrey got a tear in his eye and said that to show he is serious he will go the the bank and put her name on his $150 million checking account.

When Emma Stone was asked by Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo to comment on what Jim Carrey had said she got a puzzled look on her face and remarked, "Jim Carrey? I thought he had retired and moved his old slapstick ass back to Canada years ago."

Stone then grinned and said that if he is really serious about wanting to be with her then he can go ahead and write her a check for $75 million and she will sit down and give it some serious thought.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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