Written by K.C. Bell
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Wednesday, 24 August 2011

image for Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich In Remake Of - A Star Is Born
A Star Is Born!

Hollywood - Clint Eastwood's new spaghetti western of A Star Is Born, will star Michele Bachmann and Newt Gingrich. The original plan was to use singer Beyonce in the Judy Garland, Barbra Streisand, Janet Gaynor role and Leonardo Dicaprio in the James Mason, Kris Kristofferson, Frederic March role. Saner minds with hungrier pockets decided to go for the full monty using Bachmann and Gingrich instead. The question: Would Bachmann and Gingrich trade their collective White House ambitions for the silver screen?

Whoa! Somebody say silver? Is that Silver the horse or $ilver for money?

Investors reasoned: with Gingrich's half million dollar charge at Tiffany's, and Bachmann's five kids, plus twenty-four foster kids needing health-care, dental care, student loans, food and clothing, (she's in favor of smaller government?) neither has one realistic chance in Bollywood to make it to the White House in 2012, hence a movie deal was born. Giddy-up!

Hi Yo, Silver!

Dicaprio was triple ticked. He would be replaced by an octogenarian, or at least someone resembling an octogenarian. Replaced by Robert de Niro or Robert Redford would have been preferable. He's talking to his lawyers. Beyonce, on the other hand, was heard wistfully singing about, "The film that got away..."

Unlike Sarah Palin, who loses track and switches subjects in mid-sentence, Michele Bachmann remembers her lines, (right or wrong) and stays firmly on course like a prerecorded message. Different question. Same reply. New question? Same reply. Is the sky falling? Same reply. Sometimes compared to a one trick pony, she manages to repeat the same lines with wild-eyed confidence. Though Bachmann will require a single take in filming, Newt will need a loud buzzer to get him back on script

Arguing with Eastwood about his final scene in the latest version of A Star Is Born, Gingrich insisted that he should not be viewed riding into the Arizona desert on horseback, but instead filmed getting out of a taxi in Manhattan wearing sunglasses, cup of coffee in hand, munching a croissant and heading toward the windows of Tiffany's.

"Fasten you girths, fellas, we're in for a bumpy ride."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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