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Topics: Fire, Heaven

Monday, 19 December 2005

image for Richard Pryor Sets Himself on Fire in Heaven
Pryor in 1997

HEAVEN- Barely a week after his passing, legendary comedian Richard Pryor has burned a large portion of his body after a drug-related incident in the Great Beyond.
Though details are still sketchy at this point, St. Peter, a spokesperson for Heaven, says that Pryor is in stable condition and is receiving proper medical care and attention.
"Mr. Pryor seemed to indulge himself immediately after his arrival. He wasted no time in savoring all that his new surroundings have to offer. After one particular bender that lasted three days, Pryor crashed and, literally, burned," says Peter.
"Heaven is like that. It gives you whatever you crave for free. In Mr. Pryor's case, it was all about freebasing cocaine. Why he wanted to light himself on fire is beyond me, but if that's what heaven is all about for him, then far be it from me to chastise him."
Pryor, who made headlines all throughout his career for his wild antics both onstage and offstage, died of a heart attack on December 10th at the age of 65. He had battled Multiple Sclerosis for nearly twenty years and spent the last several years of his life confined to a wheelchair.
In 1980, Pryor set himself on fire while freebasing cocaine. It is widely believed that Pryor doused himself in rum and then struck a match. He would later lampoon his drug-induced antics in his standup routine.
St. Peter also stated that Pryor's behavior ism, surprisingly, not unusual.
"Most people tend to get a little carried away during their first week up here," stated Peter. "When (Christopher) Reeve (who co-starred with Pryor in the motion picture "Superman III") got up here last year, he was so thrilled to be out of that wheelchair and walking around again that we couldn't keep track of him. He was horseback riding and chasing women around every waking moment."
While it's not certain when Pryor will be released from the hospital, Peter is confident that he will make a speedy recovery.
"He'll be fine," said Peter. "It's not like he's going to die. He's already dead. That's the beauty of heaven."
When asked if there will be any consequences for his actions, Peter replied that God may simply have Pryor view his own 1982 film, "Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life is Calling," as a form of punishment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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