Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 11 August 2011

image for America's Got Talent Judge Sharon Osbourne Says That Piers Morgan Was Bitten By Gabe The Bulldog
One thing about Piers Morgan, the man may be a pompous jerk, but he is a first class dresser.

HOLLYWOOD - Sharon Osbourne who does not care for fellow America's Got Talent Judge Piers Morgan says that "Mr. Pompous" as Morgan is known was in fact bitten by one of the shows contestants.

And no it was not Kalani the basketball juggler that Piers highly embarrassed for dropping his balls twice or little 8-year-old Alabama contortionist/dancer Breena Bell whom Morgan buzzed (X-ed) and later said to her that she should be spending her time coloring in a Smurfs coloring book.

Piers Morgan, the man with a heart as cold as the inside of an Eskimo's igloo, was actually bitten by Gabe the British Bulldog.

Morgan buzzed Gabe after he had lifted his leg and peed on a cardboard cutout of the arrogantly sarcastic Brit. Piers was so embarrassed that his face turned as pink as a Chattanooga carnation.

Mrs. Osbourne said that he looked like he was wearing half a container of red rouge. Howie Mandel said Morgan looked like a cheap $6 Brooklyn hooker.

And Nick "The Candlestick" Cannon remarked that Morgan looked like Lindsay Lohan but with less freckles, less tattoos, and less of a brewery smell about him.

A physician with America's Got Talent looked at the dog bite on Morgan's right index finger and said that it was not too bad and that it would not interfere with Morgan pushing the red button and buzzing contestants.

Morgan told the shows producers that he wanted the dog taken to the dog pound and held for observation. The dog's owner said that she wanted to French kiss Brad Pitt but that wasn't going to be happening either.

Needless to say Gabe the Bulldog was eliminated. Curly-haired singer Kevin Colis and psychedelic bicycle break dancer Matt Wilhelm moved on into the semi-finals, as did 14-year-old extremely poised dancer Beth Ann Robinson and the high ladder leaping gymnasts known as Gymkana.

Morgan ever the evil bully told Gabe's handler if she could please cover up Gabe's huge nads as they were practically hanging all the way down to the floor.

Gabe's handler giggled. She took a look at Gabe's onions and then raised her head looking towards Morgan's lap and replied, "Mr. Morgan I can see now why you are so jealous of my Gabe's nads." [WINK-WINK].

Sharon ran up on the stage and gave Gabe's handler a high five. Piers was so embarrassed he got up and ran off to his dressing room.

Nick could not resist and he yelled out as Morgan was leaving, "Hey Piers, what's the matter dude, looks like to me that little old Gabe is a bigger man than you are."

The well-endowed Sharon ran up to Nick and gave him a chest bump, nearly knocking the skinny little fella right smack dab plum off the stage.

In other news. Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona, who has entered the GOP presidential race and whose hair is blonde, says that she is very confident that she will be capturing the entire blonde female vote over brunettes Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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