Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 5 August 2011

image for Kristen Stewart Explains Why She Took Rob Pattinson's Guitar
A photo of the guitar that Kristen Stewart borrowed from Rob Pattinson.

NEW YORK CITY - Kristen Stewart the star of the Twilight series was recently seen at JFK Airport holding a guitar case.

A reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight, Tapioca Swizzle asked the 21-year-old El Lay native where she was headed to.

Stewart replied that she was flying out to London where she is filming Snow White and The Huntsman. When asked who else is appearing in the film she said that Chris Hemsworth is playing the part of the huntsman, Charlize Theron plays the evil queen, Viggo Mortensen stars as the forgetful census taker, and Winona Ryder appears as the erotically sexual pole dancer Miss Mumu LaMmmm.

Miss Swizzle noticed Kristen's guitar case and she asked about it. At first Kristen replied that she uses it to keep her collection of flip flops in.

Swizzle did not believe her. Kristen then said that it holds her bras and panties. Swizzle shook her head and said that she still did not believe her.

K-Stew finally told her that she uses it to stash her illegal drugs and that she wanted her to do a 'pinkie swear' and promise that she would not tell a soul.

Swizzle giggled and asked her what kind of drugs have strings on them.

Kristen laughed and admitted that it was in fact a guitar case with a real guitar inside. She said that the guitar belongs to her good friend Rob Pattinson.

"You mean your boyfriend Rob Pattinson right?" Swizzle asked. And Stewart smiled and said that some say that they're an item and others say that they're not. She pointed out that personally only her and RPattz know the real truth and that is all that matters.

Stewart then told Swizzle that she had borrowed the guitar from Rob because she wanted to surprise him by writing a very personal and intimate song about their stunningly exciting relationship using his very own guitar which he cherishes immensely.

When asked if she had picked out a title Kristen blushed and said that she had but that she was not going to reveal it just yet.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called up my wonderful friend Larry King and asked him if by any chance he knew the name of the song that Kristen Stewart was going to write about Robert Pattinson. He laughed and asked if Joan Rivers looks like a space alien. I replied that she does. Larry said that the name of the song is "The Ballad of RPattz & K-Stew."]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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