Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 27 July 2011

image for The Truth Behind The Jennifer Lopez - Marc Anthony Divorce
Part of the estimated $250 million that Jennifer and Marc will be dividing up. (Photo courtesy of Regis Philbin).

BROOKLYN - Marc Anthony recently spoke with a reporter for The Right Coast Illustrated Revue and talked about the real reasons why his wife of seven years Jennifer Lopez filed for divorce.

Marc sat down at the famed Le Loins of Joan of Arc Restaurant in Brooklyn and spoke openly with Tilapia Frisbee.

Anthony said that he still loves J.Lo and he always will even though she has made him feel like one of the roosting sticks in a chicken coop.

Frisbee looked on in puzzlement. Marc told her to picture it. She did and then replied that she understood exactly what he was referring to.

Anthony said that he realized once Jenny from the hood, as he called her in bed, was named People Magazine's Most Beautiful Woman in the World that his marriage days were numbered.

He paused and said that he did not want her to appear on that singing show American Idol because he knew that she would be exposed to over 30 million viewers each show.

Anthony divulged that Jenny loves to show off her gorgeous legs, her well-endowed bosom, and her Kardashianesque ass even though she is actually older than the three K girls so actually the Kardashian sisters have Jennifer Lopezesque butts.

Marc said that a lot of the members of the media are saying that J.Lo is divorcing him because he was much too controlling. Anthony laughed at that notion. And he asked, "Well Miss Frisbee, let me just say dat if telling my wife ta change into a little bit longer skirt, one dat won't show everyone da color of her calzones (panties) is controlling then yes, I guess I was controlling."

Anthony went on to say that if telling his wife that she needed to wear a blouse that did not dip down to her belly button and show her two pencil eraser nipples was controlling, then yes he was controlling.

He then added that if telling his wife that she could not talk to her mother on the phone for longer than two minutes and only once a week was controlling, then yes he was controlling.

Frisbee asked him about their sex life. Marc kind of hesitated and then revealed that it was great. He confessed that once a month they would get together and play Hide The Salami.

He blushed as he said that he soon realized that he was in trouble when he found out that she had started playing Hide The Salami without him (by herself).

Marc added that truth be told another reason why La Jenny, as he calls her in the kitchen, filed for divorce is because she got to where she refused to cook him his favorite meal, Macho Nachos a la Brisket.

He also added that she just got to the point where she became tired of him yelling at her for almost always burning the popcorn. He remarked that it really stunk up the place with a smell worse than Sarah Palin's hunting clothes.

And so now Marc and Jennifer will sit down with their attorneys and try to figure out how to divide the $250 million fortune that J.Lo has amassed.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: There is one area where husband and wife do agree on regarding their divorce. The couple has three-year-old twins. Jennifer will be getting sole custody of the little girl Emme and Marc will be getting sole custody of the little boy Max.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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