Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 20 July 2011

image for America's Got Talent: The Piano-Playing Singer Daniel Joseph Baker Brings The House Down
A can of Germs Be Gone, which germ freak Howie Mandel sprays on his hands every five minutes. (Photo by Mariah Carey).

HOLLYWOOD - It was certainly a night full of surprises on America's Got Talent as the second group of 12 acts proved to be as different as Donald Trump and Howie Mandel's hairdos.

The judges and studio audiences favorite was definitely the piano playing singer from Katy, Texas Daniel Joseph Baker, who is a combination of Little Richard, Prince, and Michael Jackson all rolled into one.

Baker who tends to act a little like Richard Simmons except for the fact that he's black, does not wear silly looking shorts, or talks in an extremely high voice is a very humble person.

Baker is so honest and real that he even rejected the $10 tip that host Nick "The Cue Stick" Cannon offered him after his performance.

The motorcycling daredevil Smage Brothers Riding Show from Elkhorn, Wisconsin also wowed the audience even though their assistant almost received a Mohawk haircut courtesy of one of the motorcycle wheels.

The assistant later said that he wears a toupee on top of his full head of hair and that he always, always wears a baseball catcher's crotch cup.

Steven Retchless the nation's most noted male pole dancer was also a crowd pleaser although Piers Morgan did X him. Sharon Osbourne really loved him but she seems to really go for the somewhat gayish type of performers.

Mrs. Osbourne stated that she would have married last years contestant Prince Poppycock if she was not already married to Ozzy.

Howie Mandel giggled and said that Sharon really digs the sidesaddle-riding dudes. He then turned his attention to Piers and remarked that the only reason why Piers X'd Steven the pole dancer was because Steven had spurned his advances backstage before the show.

Morgan adamantly denied those charges saying that he had only asked Steven what type of pole he preferred to use in his unique act.

Some of the acts that the judges agree will probably be getting on that old Greyhound Bus and heading home include Tomas John the third-rate juggler, Geechy Guy who fires off old AK-47-like one liners, and the Rhinestone Ropers who brought along their horse and who received the harshest criticism that Piers Morgan has ever showered on anyone.

Cannon said that it was a good thing that the Idaho cowboy did not have his six-shooter because he may have shot both of Morgan's earlobes right off.

Reports are that the United States Cattleman's Association has issued a statement asking that Piers Morgan be removed from the show and sent back to England where apparently he is hated even more by some of the British people.

SIDENOTE: There was a rumor going round that Howie had actually taken a bucket of horseshit and placed it in Morgan's dressing room. Sharon stated that Howie was stopped at the door by a security guard and told to take the horseshit and flush it down the toilet in his dressing room. Howie refused but the security guard told him to do it or else he would sneeze all over his face.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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