Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Sunday, 17 July 2011

image for Bowie, Springsteen And Co Hunted By Publishers
'Moose' Phalanx.

The race is on to sign the "big five" rock stars who have yet to pen memoirs.

Following the success of autobiographies by Rolling Stone Keith Richards and top-hatted, corkscrew-haired axeman Slash, publishers are keen to snap up more big names.

After a bidding war, HarperCollins secured the signature of Who mainman Pete Townshend. Now other houses are desperately trying to grab the biggest names yet to publish: Paul McCartney, Bruce Springsteen, Robert Plant, Elton John and, perhaps the most wanted of all, David Bowie.

Said one publishing insider: "At every book fair in the last 20 years there has always been an A-list rock star on the schedules. But to pin one down is harder than pinning down a Hollywood actor."

However, one murky operator has crept up on the inside to win the right to publish the memoirs of perhaps the biggest name of all.

EIF News & Features will enter the book publishing field in October when it unleashes Can't Tune My Strat, the autobiography of 'Moose' Phalanx, legendary guitarist with 70's rock/blues heavyweights, Overhead Cam.

Phalanx has kept himself pretty much to himself since the band broke up in 1982 after vocalist, 'Nit' Spanker, quit to join a California sect of doorhandle worshippers ('They open all the doors, man').

But the shadowy west London media Mogul, Ellis Ian Fields, seems to have tempted Moose out of hiding for the venture.

Said and EIF spokesperson: "Negotiations were prolonged and delicate, but Moose finally signed up after a couple of pints of Black Sheep and a croque-monsieur in the Tabard."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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