Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 16 July 2011

image for Local Man Cracks Up Watching Total Wipeout On BBC1
Not Shuttlecock - Martin's House Is Full To The Brim With eBay Shite.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, who usually detests the mundane nonsense served up on Saturday night TV, had to admit defeat this evening after cracking up with unrestrained laughter at a pair of BBC offerings - Walk On The Wild Side, and Total Wipeout.

A stony faced Shuttlecock, self confessed miserable bastard lost the plot when Walk On The Wild Side came on. The show is based on an old formula of voiceovers on animal footage, and when a herd of elephants appeared singing Toto's 'Africa' he lost it.

So moved was Shuttlecock by the degree of unbridled hilarity on display, that he emailed friends and made frantic phone calls urging others to tune in and piss themselves laughing.

"I don't see why I should be alone, in pissed wet trousers," he explained.

Unfortunately for Shuttlecock, the BBC delivered the knockout punch with that weedy little bloke off Top Gear, Richard Hammond, introducing Total Wipeout.

This show is basically about a bunch of daft deluded bastards attempting to tackle an obstacle course somewhere near Buenos Aries, and getting repeatedly knocked into the water below.

In pursuit of a £10k prize.

"It shouldn't really work," Shuttlecock explained. "It's just a watery obstacle course, a bit like It's A Knockout, but the contestants are such a bunch of over confident arse holes, that it's a sheer delight to watch the daft twats come a cropper. They're really pathetic. Especially that Pippa. Full of herself she was. Explained that she may be a blonde but she's no bimbo, and then went on to prove that she is exactly that, providing ample evidence that she was on the back end of the queue when God dished the grey matter out. It's hilarious watching those women bouncing off those big red balls. It's a comfort to know that whilst I may not be the sharpest chisel in the box, I'm not the dullest either."

* Martin Shuttlecock is currently in training for the World's Dullest Man competition, to be held in Oslo this November.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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