Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for Lindsay Lohan Celebrates Her 25th Birthday With A Three-Tiered Birthday Cake In The Shape of A Bottle of Bourbon
Lindsay Lohan continues to hold the undisputed title of "The Luckiest Female in The Entire United States."

VENICE BEACH - Well happy birthday to the poor, troubled, lost, spoiled, little rich girl aka Lindsay Lohan who turned 25 going on 15 on July 2.

LiLo, which rhymes with kilo, celebrated her 25th birthday with a bash at her Venice Beach home which was throw by her best friends Paris "I'm Hot" Hilton and Nicole "Pretzel Stick" Richie.

Hilton provided the three tiered birthday cake which was shaped in the form of a bottle of Jack Daniels Bourbon and Richie provided the pinata which was shaped in the form of GOP talking head Bill O'Reilly whom Lohan has said she hates more than Hitler, Hirohito, and Howard (Stern).

Lohan was asked by Margarita Mixx of The Tinsel Town Times Tribune if she really knew who Hitler and Hirohito were and the bottle blonde blushed and said that Hitler and Hirohito were both members of the 70s band Fleetwood Mac.

When Mixx informed her that she probably had them confused with Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham she replied, "Oh yeah, my bad, that's right I meant to say Mick Fleetwood and Christine McVie, I guess it must be all of the excitement of not only being free and finally having that damn ankle bracelet monitor removed from my cute little ankle but also from the happiness of being able to drink whatever the hell I want cause I've done my time...again."

When asked if she plans on making any movies any time soon Lohan paused for a moment, took a swig from her bottle of Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila, and said that she is planning on possibly starring in the remake of Bonnie and Clyde. She giggled and added that she would be playing the part of Bonnie.

In related news. USA DAYBREAK is reporting that on Arnold Schwarzenegger's last day in office as governor of California he issued a full and complete pardon to Lindsay Lohan for all of her past indiscretions and for any future indiscretions up to and including the year 2020.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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