Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Military, Senator

Tuesday, 8 November 2005

image for Jar Jar Binks To Replace Roeper; New Show Ebert and Binks
A thumbs up from Jar Jar for his new television show.

FIrst, it was Siskel and Ebert, then it was Ebert and guest star, then it was Ebert and Roeper, and now it's Ebert and Binks. Naboo native, former Republic Senator, and military hero Jar Jar Binks will replace Richard Roeper on the popular movie rating and evaluation show. No reason was given for the departure of Roeper or the change of co-hosts, but declining ratings may have been a factor.

"I'm really proud of what Jar Jar has accomplished the past six years," said new partner Roger Ebert. "He's gone from being an outcast of his people to being a member of the galaxy wide senate. Now, with the new Emperor in power, he's agreed to come onto my show and give me a hand with the movies."

"Me-sa gonna do a really boom boom job," said Jar Jar. "Me-sa gonna put my thumbs uppa or my thumbs downa and tell tha peoples about tha movies. Me-sa also got big ears, so I can tells everyones about the good sounds effects."

Mr. Binks was asked to list some of his ratings on some of the movies he has seen in the recent past, to give television viewers an idea of what he looks for in a film.

"Me-sa likes Chicken Little, cussa tha sky was a fallin on me too!"

"Me-sa no likes Batman Begins cussa it reminds me-sa of da dark side."

"Me-sa likes Star Wars, because they gots this actor that reminds me-sa of me-sa!" (When we told Jar Jar that the charcter that reminded him of himself was himself, he was happy.)

"Me-sa no gonna like The Sandlot cuzza the big guy sounds like Annie when he growed himself up and put onna the black stuff. Me-sa also don watch CNN cuz he scares us when he say "This is CNN.""

"Me-sa likes movies withum pretty girls witha big boobiess where they go boom boom to they men." (When we told him that they don't rate porn movies on his syndicated show, Jar Jar was visibly upset) "No boom boom? Me-sa wanna see the boom boom!"

The Spoof contacted Roger Ebert and told him of Jar Jar's concerns about the lack of sexual activity in the movies he would be reviewing. Mr. Evert said that, "we do occasionally review an NC-17 picture or an unrated art film. I hope that these will keep Jar Jar happy. In the mean time, he'll just have to see if he can get a separate gig rating films for the Playboy Channel."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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