Written by IainB
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Thursday, 28 April 2011

image for DIY SOS Show not aired after legal wrangle
This was the only leather the couple wanted

A misunderstanding between designer Julia Kendell and the Durham family in Milton Keynes has resulted in the show not being aired.

The DIY SOS team were called in to do their usual redecoration special for the Durham family, after learning that the family had been kept apart for two years until building work was completed to bring the house up to liveable conditions.

"Their house was a right wreck," said Billy Byrne, electrician on the show. "Both parents had lost their jobs midway through the project to bring the house up to scratch. It had hundred of violations. You should have seen the wiring. It made me ill to look at it."

Julia Kendell approached the family members and asked what they wanted, but misunderstood their requirements.

"It turned out," said Kendell, "that what they'd asked for was an exciting bedroom using a Bondai theme, like they'd seen at Marks and Spencer's. I guess I'd been thinking about Mark [Millar] again, and not really listening to what they were asking."

The team completely renovated every room of the house, expanding up into the loft and basement, and redesigning the garden for somewhere the five children could play. However, the bedroom for the parents was not exactly what the Durham's had been thinking of.

"I loved the rest of the house," said Frannie Durham. "The kitchen and bathrooms were a dream. The kids' bedrooms were stunning and the living room was something I'd always dreamed of."

"Fran screamed when she saw our bedroom," said James Durham.

Julia Kendell had created a bondage theme to the bedroom, with plenty of S&M gear.

"I was really pleased with the reinforced ceiling beam for the suspension chains," said Mat Skelton. "It would take up to three tonnes. They could have had an orgy in there. Julia and Mark even gave it a trial run, something else the Durhams didn't approve of. I don't know why they're complaining, the BBC licence payers paid for it!"

"I guess," said Nick Knowles, with his usual twinkle, "we now know what DIY SOS stands for: Durhams in Yikes Scenario over Sadomasochism!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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