Written by Honey West
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Topics: Comedy, Midgets

Friday, 22 April 2011

image for Midget Comic Refuses To Be Called "Little Person"
Violent midgets threaten IttyBittyFunnyGuy

Courageous midget comedian known professionally as IttyBittyFunnyGuy has taken a great big stand against political correctness by insisting on being called a midget instead of "little person", "vertically challenged" or "dwarf".

"I'm a midget and proud of it. Anyone who doesn't like it can kiss my very low to the ground arse."

IttyBitty's Saturday night performance at the Jaguar Casino in Las Vegas was disrupted by throngs of violently angry midgets, dwarfs or whatever they are calling themselves at the moment.

"We demand the head of itty-bitty on a stick! Fire itty-bitty now! He's a traitor to his people, the little people!"

But the funny man was not intimidated or frightened by the outbreak of midget violence. "These little twerps don't scare me. I work out, man. I'm a midget from the streets, dude. I beat up a Doberman when I was 3. I know how to rock it out. "

When offered a security escort to his limo after the midnight show, "Billy Badass" as he's known around town and in various cathouses, absolutely refused any protection. "I may be short, but I ain't weak. I can take on 20 midgets with both of my short little legs and stubby little arms tied behind my crooked messed up little back. Midget Midget Midget!"

The huge crowd of angry politically correct "little people" (who really are midgets but simply can't cope with the truth of their small condition), finally dispersed after police threatened to mace their little butts. IttyBitty took it all in stride as he relaxed in the hot tub of his deluxe private suite at the Jaguar Hotel and Casino, surrounded by tall blondes and random, drunk porn stars.

"You see these babes? They dig me. And you know why, man? Because I'm honest, ya dig? They respect my midgetness, my midget -ocity, my midget-ola, baby! Me and Charlie Sheen are soulmates, we're both rockstars from Mars. I get more "you know what" than any guy out there. I can do all kinds of weird, kinky things that tall dudes can't. Midgets are sex machines. I ain't no little person! Go big or go home!"

The Jaguar Casino says it has no intention of firing IttyBitty and his shows will go on as planned. "We absolutely love him. He brings in the crowds and that's all that matters at the end of the day
…Ka-CHING!."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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