Written by Honey West
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

HOLLYWOOD, CA Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez and Lindsay Lohan have announced they will be forming a new entertainment conglomerate designed to bring the works of Shakespeare to young people.

The unlikely trio recently shared lunch on Hollywood's famed Sunset Strip when Ms. Lopez confided over a glass of Sangria that she had always dreamed of doing Shakespeare.

Ms. Spears was "jazzed" as she later confided to reporters that she, too, had always had a burning desire to bring the classics to the stage.

"Ya'll, I couldn't believe my ears when Jenny From The Block said she always wanted to be in a Shakespeare play. Me too! Dang! Bring it! "

Meanwhile, Ms. Lohan apparently burst into tears when the subject of Shakespeare came up during the threeway cozy luncheon.

"I've always felt such an intense bond with the Bard. Even when I was doing Parent Trap, I kept thinking about how great it would be to do Shakespeare instead. I'm very deep, you know. My life has been such a drama. I could really get into Hamlet or one of those other ones. It's just so wild. I can't wait. The world will finally see what I can do."

The trio intend to bring their show, tentatively titled, "Rockin It With Billy S." to middle schools and high schools across the country.

Mr. Jason Malibu, Superintendent of the BHVUSD (Beverly Hills Very Unified School District) stated, "I applaud these fine performers for their desire to launch such an awesome project, and we intend to provide support and just pure unadulterated love and hugs for their endeavor. These ladies are super talented and rarely, if ever, get a chance to do Shakespeare!"

President and Mrs. Obama have officially gone on record as saying, "We need more wonderful performance artists in this great land of ours to step up and get involved not only with youth but with Shakespearean productions."

The President has vowed to gain support for the project in the halls of Congress.

"Like anything else that goes on in this great land of ours, it needs money to make the dream happen. That means funding. And funding is what we'll get if it's the last thing I do! Yes, we've had our share of challenges with the massive and devastating oil spill and the economy crashing, but that's nothing compared to getting this Shakespeare thing off the ground. You can bet Michelle and I will be front row, center with our two girls, who talk about Shakespeare night and day."

An unconfirmed rumor is circulating that aging popstar Madonna may also join the venture. Ms. Spears stated, "Ya know, Madonna was married to that Brit Guy Ritchie and actually lived over there in England, so me and Jen and Lindsay think she'd be totally cool at doing a posh accent, such as one would need to do Shakespeare properly. The accent is really what mainly makes it work."

Madonna was unavailable for comment but her representatives indicate that she "may be available for a guest walk-on as Lady MacBeth or Desdemona, more like a special guest star type of thing. "

Proceeds from ticket sales to "Rockin It With Billy S" will go to Japanese tsunami relief efforts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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