Written by Gail Farrelly
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Saturday, 2 April 2011

image for Snooki Advises Toni Morrison to Get a Pouf
Will Snooki or Toni impress them more?

Don't count Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, "The Jersey Shore" star, among those who were shocked to learn that she was paid $32,000 for her talk at Rutgers University, while famous author Toni Morrison is being paid only $30,000 to give the Rutgers commencement address.

"Morrison is so yesterday," the pint-sized star has told friends. "I mean that hair, puh-lease. Can't she go to a hairdresser and add a little pouf or something?"

As for Morrison's writing, Snooki doesn't give a hoot about the Nobel prize, saying "If I were Morrison, I wouldn't advertise the fact that I had impressed a bunch of old Swedes. Girl, that's not such a great selling point!"

But what about the fact that Morrison's novel Beloved won a Pulitzer? "I don't give a pig's patootie," proclaimed Snooki. "Besides, Joseph Pulitzer's been dead for almost a hundred years. Who cares what he thinks?"

In fact, Snooki is totally confident that her own novel, A Shore Thing, released this year, is a sure thing to win numerous awards for excellence. "A $32,000 speaking fee will then be small potatoes," she said. "Let Morrison put that in her pipe and smoke it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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