Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 19 March 2011

image for Gilbert Gottfried Signs To Do The Sound Effects For The Next 'Jackass' Movie
Gilbert Gottfried got paid $1.65 for a one-hour stand up routine at The Ha Ha Ha Lounge in Santa Monica.

WEST COVINA, California - Gilbert Gottfried can still not believe how utterly stupid he was to have ever made the mean and cruel remarks that he made regarding the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.

He reportedly conveyed that to his Japanese gardener who word has it does not understand a single word of English.

But Gottfried did inform his hair stylist Slicky Pomade of Pomona that being fired from his cush job of being the voice of the Aflac duck has really hit him in his pocketbook.

Gotto, as his gay neighbor, calls him remarked that he has had to cut back from eating T-bones, Rib-Eyes, and New York Strips to eating baloney, salami, and spam.

He also noted that he has a sneaky suspicion that his mailman, who was born in Osaka, Japan may be spitting on his mail, since the other day his unemployment check envelope was stuck to his electric bill and his telephone bill was stuck to his Inflatable Dolls "R" Us catalog.

Gottfried said that last night he caught six of the neighborhood kids peeing on his driveway. He also noticed that the next door neighbor (the one that is not gay) had smeared what looked like spoiled sushi all over his front door.

Gil "The Pill" as his grandmother "Peach Pit" Gottfried calls him said that there is one positive thing that he can reveal.

He said that the producers of the new Jackass movie, The Jackass Movie - Patting Down The TSA Pat Down Agents, have asked him to do the sound effects.

They did point out that instead of the normal sound effects fee of $800 per sound effect the producers have stated that they will only pay him 35 cents per sound effect.

Gottfried did not like it but the producers told him to take it or leave it. Gilbert said that he was forced to take it because he has to save up some money to pay for anger management-stupidity classes that he has agreed to attend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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