Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 14 March 2011

image for Roseanne Barr Defends Charlie Sheen - Hmmm, The Old Two Peas In An iPod Syndrome
Roseanne Barr once ate four adult lobsters on a dare. (Photo from the Wynonna Judd Collection).

LA HABRA, California - Former comedienne Roseanne Barr who starred for nine years in the top rated sit-com The Roseanne Show was having breakfast at a Mickey D's when she remarked to a friend that she is siding with Charlie "Showless" Sheen in The Charlie Sheen Vs. The CBS-Chuck Lorre Battle of The Non-Budgers.

And of course as everyone knows by now the "Home Team" won and now Sheen is left to recite third rate Shakespearean lines on his Internet show Sheen's Korner.

Roseanne, who was once married to one of the most nervous individuals in America, Tom Arnold, said that she worked for Sheen's boss Chuck Lorre and she found him to be a first class 'control freak.'

She went on to say that when Chuckles, as she and John Goodman called Lorre, was writing for her show he would make her recite lines that made her look stupid like, "Hey kids, we can't have baloney for every meal so y'all just shut up and eat your potato chips!"

Barr said Lorre would try to write it off (no pun intended) by merely saying that it was Roseanne Conner who was talking and not Roseanne Barr.

She said that he also had the reputation for hiring the worst catering service in the entire state of California, the La Brea-based I Can't Believe It's Food On Wheels.

Barr has stated that Charlie Sheen is perhaps the one person in all of CelluloidLand who can actually make her look sane and quite intelligent in the sense that Carrie Fisher is not as big as Kirstie Alley.

The Los Angeles-based news program Tittle Tattle Tonight has reported that the amount of viewers to Sheen's Korner has dropped off by 89%. Many viewers sited the fact that they just got fed up with hearing "Carlitos" utter the "W" word (winning) seven times a minute.

His secondary word "Trolls" comes in a close second at five times a minute, and the words "Tiger Blood," "Chuck the duck," and "Jon Cryer" all tied at four times a minute.

Roseanne Barr was asked how any normally, sane individual could give up making $1.8 million per episode (week) for simply showing up and reciting what amounts to 18 or so lines.

Barr, who has never been at a loss for words, shook her head, and replied, "Hell if I know...I am at a loss for words on that one Papaya (Ruckusgarden)."

There have been rumors floating around the Venice Beach - Redondo Beach area that she (Barr) may be offered a starring role on Two and A Half Men.

She was asked if she would take it if Chuck Lorre, the shows creator, head writer, and producer offered it her.

Roseanne took a sip from her bottle of Southern Comfort and replied, "Are you effen kidding me? - I would take the SOB job quicker than it takes David Crosby to polish off an Oreo cookie."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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