Written by Stella Kordun
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Friday, 11 March 2011

image for David Beckham's Glory tattoo

David Beckham has revealed a heavenly new tattoo - an image of himself portrayed as Jesus. The 35-year-old footballer has deified himself in ink, surrounded by three cherubs that represent his own sons Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz.

Beckham unveiled the artwork on Facebook explaining the meaning behind the image on his chest.

"Obviously, the cherubs are boys, so my thought behind it is that at some point, my boys are going to need to look after me, and that's what they're doing in the picture. Everything has a meaning," he stated.

Though, it does appear, according to friend of the Beckhams, that his sons already provide this role. They state that when David tries to speak he dribbles, especially off the field, but there the boys are lovingly providing a helping hand and a tissue. Sunny Lewis said, "David told the boys that tissues are only needed when they say 'atishoo' but the boys know best."

Beckham already has a selection of religious-inspired tattoos, these include a six-inch tattoo of Victoria as a bare-breasted angel surrounded by stars, an angel covering his back in the shape of a cross and "Pray for me" inscribed on his right wrist.

"I'd say the twat needs praying for", Neil Larkin told the Monday Observer. "He's a right wrist-job 'imself... The Beckhams have always been 'up 'emselves', now they think that they are religious icons 'emselves, the tossers."

Beckham's latest tattoo has provoked some further controversy. A spokesman for the Catholic Herald complains that, "Our images are sanctified, not to be used as a boast for fashion. What on earth has Mr Beckham got to do with Christ, our saviour? I've seen him play goalkeeper once and he couldn't even save a goal, let alone save humanity."

We thought that it would only be fair to give David Beckham a chance to put his side of the story. So we set off towards his holiday home in Rome. On entering the Beckham's villa however, we were asked to 'ssssssh' as daddy was 'having a nap' He had managed to complete the 24 piece jigsaw puzzle yesterday after only a day of playing with it and he couldn't contain his excitement. "Today", said Brooklyn, "he drew a man with his wee wee out on his Etch-a-Sketch and almost wet himself with glee." I told him to have a lay-down, but he insisted on doing his colouring in first."

We decided that any explanation that David Beckham could give about his stunning biblical representation would at best be futile.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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