Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 8 March 2011

image for Sarah Palin Furious Over The Remarks That Kathy Griffin Made About Her Chubby, Quasi-Cute Daughter Bristol "The Pistol" Palin
Bristol Palin says that she can see Mexico from the backyard of her home in Maricopa, Arizona.

WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Louise Palin, the former governor of Alaska who resigned after the citizens of "The Iceberg State" took the time from their busy routines of hunting, fishing, and shoveling snow, to elect her governor is fuming at the mouth.

"Crosshairs" Palin heard that the star of My Life On The D-List Kathy Griffin had made some very mean comments about her overweight, somewhat plain looking daughter Bristol.

Palin, has been keeping an extremely low profile since she recently put her foot in her mouth when she was asked by Tittle Tattle Tonight if she knew what country Scotland Yard was located in.

Sarah made a face and asked 3T's Papaya Ruckusgarden if this was a trick question. When told that it was not she then replied, "Well okay then, to answer your question Pap, everyone knows that Scotland Yard is in Scotland, duh!"

Kathy, who is known as "The Red Cougar" since she has red hair and a penchant for dating guys as much as 20 years younger, remarked that the talentless Bristy "The Pisty" Palin did not deserve to have been in the finals of last seasons Dancing With The Stars.

La Griffinina, as Salma Hayek calls her, stated that Palin being named the third best dancer in America is equal to that atheist Bill Maher being named the third most religious man in America.

Kathy said that no one has been able to figure out how out of the over 100 celebrity contestants who have appeared on DWTS Bristol Palin could be the only one, the ONLY one who actually gained weight during the show.

Griffy said that all of the other dancers even big ones like Niecy Nash, Penn Jillette, and Warren Sapp all lost weight because of the fact that they were rehearsing as much as 16 hours a day and burning off an average of about 700,000 calories per day.

Food nutritionists, body scientists, and caloric experts throughout the world are to say the least extremely puzzled.

One caloric expert from Dublin, Ireland, Endicott McRagamuffin stated that Bristol actually gaining weight would be tantamount to someone hugging a family of stinking skunks and ending up smelling as pretty as the first lady of France Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

"Dog Sled" Palin noted that Kathy Griffin is nothing more than an old, washed up 50-year-old third-rate stand up comedian who according to Levi (Johnston) has an old biscuit that looks like it has seen more action than a Detroit police station on a Saturday night.

Reports coming out of Casa Moscow, the Palin home in Wasilla, are that "Snowflake" is so mad she has told Kathy Griffin that she will pay for her plane ticket to fly up to Wasilla so that the two can go out in her front yard and settle this little matter like two wild wilderness Alaskan women, kicking, scratching, slapping, and biting, but not in a gay way.

Kathy Griffin reportedly told the older Palin that she really needs to do three things. One, she needs to find a way to get over the fact that she stole Levi "The Hockey Puck" Johnston from her daughter Bristol fair and square.

Two, she needs to cut back on her Palinista phrases 'ya know' and 'you betcha' from 72 times a day down to at least 43 or so.

And third, she needs to stop acting like a guy, while wearing a camouflage jock strap, and going around shooting moose, caribou, elk, and reindeer and spend some time with daughters Willow and Piper so that they don't grow up like their mother thinking that Africa is a country, the North Koreans are the good guys, Rhode Island is in the Pacific Ocean, and that all French fries come from France.

Tittle Tattle Tonight will continue talking with both Sarah Palin and Kathy Griffin and bring you more semi-civilized name calling as it develops.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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