Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 7 March 2011

image for Celebrity Apprentice's First Victim - Donald Trump Fires David Cassidy
The Womens team known as "ASAP" sold a lot more pizzas than the mens team known as "Backbone."

NEW YORK CITY - Another season of Donald Trumps Celebrity Apprentice has just hit the airwaves and this group is certainly one of the motliest gathering of folks to ever grace the Donald's show.

Some of the more 'better known' contestants include Gary "Krazy Kat" Busey, Jose "Senor Steroids" Canseco, Lisa "Lips" Rinna, Richard "The Gay Blade" Hatch, and Dionne "Who" Warwick.

The men's team chose the name "Backbone" in honor of what Donald Trumps ex-friend Bernie Madoff does not have.

The women chose ASAP in honor of the Alaskan Skiers Against Palin. La Toya Jackson actually tried to explain that it stood from something else totally different but as Richard Hatch pointed out, "Man that La Toya chick is one flaky as hell bitch, I'm telling you she makes Paris Hilton look like a Harvard graduate.

The two teams had to see who could sell the most pizzas. The men's team dressed up Gary Busey to look like some type of character from the old Batman TV series and all he managed to do was to scare the daylights out of dozens of New York City toddlers.

Busey is probably the only person in America who can stand next to Donald Trump and actually make Trump's hair look beautiful.

If one did not know any better one would swear that Gary combs his hair with firecrackers. And the dude has a mouth on him that a Great White Shark would be jealous as hell of.

Richard "The Gay Blade" Hatch, who won the first ever Survivor and then spent four years in prison for Ipso Facto Non Payitus of Income Taxiviticus demonstrated how mean an old frustrated fairy can really be.

Twice during the show he pushed little David Cassidy simply because of the fact that he was little David Cassidy. The second time David had, had it. He stood up on a chair and got in the gay caballero's face.

Cassidy in a somewhat high pitched voice yelled out, "Do not ever touch me again Elton because if you do I swear I will bite your knee so hard, you will not be able to swish and sway for two weeks."

Later Jose Canseco told Richard that he wanted to hit him so bad he could taste it. Hatch giggled and said that he (Canseco) was not his type because he liked men who could put together at least three words in a sentence.

Gary Busey meanwhile spent most of the show talking to himself and counting the freckles on his hands. Busey is really one whack job who actually makes folks like Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, and Naomi Campbell all seem perfectly normal by comparison.

Country singer John Rich did manage to take out his guitar and write an appropriate song about a cowboy sitting in his pickup truck with his wife both eating a pepperoni pizza while talking about getting divorced.

The womens team managed to sell 98,483 pizzas and the mens team managed to sell 77,319 pizzas not including the nine pizzas that Jose Canseco and Meat Loaf ate by themselves.

Lisa Rinna complained that Star Jones did not participate in the making of the pizzas. Star, who acts like she is some kind of diva replied that she does not touch food that is not already cooked.

When it came time to fire one of the contestants it came down to Richard Hatch, Jose Canseco, and David Cassidy.

Trump no doubt figured that he had to keep Hatch and Canseco since they are both such controversial figures who will bring in the viewers where as little David was merely a cup of vanilla ice cream, so he was turned into the show's first sacrificial lamb.

Trump pointed at Cassidy, "Little David, you're fired!"

The next shot shows the front of the Trump Towers and we see David Cassidy walking out of the building. A little Volkswagen Beetle pulls up and David gets in and the Beetle no doubt drives off into the land of Danny Bonaduce.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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