Written by Charpa93
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Tuesday, 22 February 2011

image for George Lopez Regrets Begging Kate Gosselin to Slap Him
That'll be another $500 if I have to kiss his ass.

For everything Kate Gosselin isn't, i.e. dancer, actress, balanced, she is a ratings draw. As one producer of TLC said when describing Gosselin, "she's like watching a human train wreck. You just can't turn away no matter how awful it is."

When George Lopez realized his ratings were slumping, he did the only thing he knew would get him the numbers. He booked Kate Gosselin on his show to apologize for all the mean things he's said about her and to allow her to abuse him.

So why then, when Gosselin appeared on his show and George Lopez asked her to slap him, did she kiss him on the cheek instead? "Well, first of all, you only saw what went on on screen," said Lopez. "You didn't see the action behind the scenes. We had to do a lot of finagling to get that little peck on the cheek."

Lopez claims that Kate Gosselin is every bit as mean as everyone claims. "Oh, don't let that sweet face fool you," said Lopez. "She is a real ball buster. In fact, I was so afraid of being in such close proximity to her on my set that we had one of the crew members come on stage during rehearsals.

We measured exactly how far I had to be away from Gosselin so that even when it appeared that I was moving in for the slap, she couldn't quite reach my face. "And," claims Lopez "I was wearing a protective cup as well, just in case she moved in for the kill."

"So how did you get her to kiss you for the cameras, then?" we asked.

"We added another $500 to her fee. It's amazing what that crazy woman will do for a few hundred bucks," said Lopez, refusing to explain further. Then he added, "Now if we could just get her to quit calling and begging to come back on the show. Who knew she had a thing for Latinos?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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