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Tuesday, 22 February 2011

image for Robert Pattison, Taylor Lautner Say Microwaving Kristen's Panties Only Half the Story

Twilight actor Robert Pattinson told reporters yesterday that Taylor Lautner's story about his sniffing Kristen's panties and refreshing the smell in the microwave was only half the story.

Apparently, it was the better half.

"Every fan must have read that story and the ones that followed, of Taylor Lautner's jib at the conference", stated Pattinson to the news hounds.

"Here's Taylor now. Tell them yourself."

"I was just ragging Pattinson because of his telling about me going to sleep while we were filming...which was true. Robert Pattison never microwaves Kristen's panties, OK. But tell them the worst part."

"Thank you. Besides, if I DID microwave her panties, they would melt."

Pattinson then told us that what had happened on stage at the Twilight Conference after the ragging was the reason they were speaking to reporters today.

"If you remember what happened afterward, that's what we wish to talk about. The fans then began throwing panties on the stage."

"Yeah", stated Lautner. "We thought it was a one-time thing. Now it's happening all the time."

"We're asking our fans to not do this. For one thing, it distracts from what we are saying."

"For another", stated Lautner, "It's happening elsewhere when we are recognized. A lady friend and I were eating at a nice restaurant the other night and two ladies walked by and dropped two pair of panties in my lap."

The two have asked for this to stop.

"It was fine for Elvis Presley and Tom Jones as they were singers on stage but we ask that you please stop. If I see a pair of panties, I'll not consider you a fan, because we have asked you not to do it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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