Written by wadenelson
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Hair, Pierce Brosnan

Tuesday, 6 September 2005

Antigua -- Facial hair is a natural phenomenon for men. It's a part of the body that can become an art form in itself. "Unless, of course, it's grey" said Pierce Brosnan, the latest spokesperson for Just For Men hair coloring, a Clairol product. Recently 86'd from his role as James Bond after becoming a "graybeard," Brosnan states "I now fully understand the importance of a youthful image in Hollywood. Looking more like Kenny Rogers than the distinguished Sean Connery, Brosnan's demise as Bond, James Bond has left him only one avenue for continued employment: Product endorsements and Japanese whisky commercials.

"Of course they'll never come out and tell you you're too old," quipped Brosnan. "Instead they talk about "appealing to a younger demographic, that sort of thing. My god, I had a facelift, pec implants, penile enlargement, I pumped iron six days a week at the gym, but a coupla little wrinkles and crows' feet around your eyes and you're history in Tinseltown."

Asked what the best part of his role as James Bond, which spanned six movies was, Brosnan replied "The Bond Women, of course. Bond and bondage, it all seems to go together. Denise Richards or whoever, in every Bond flick there's a single, nubile young woman handcuffed or all tied up. "Cubby Broccoli knows what pre-pubescent teens like, I mean, just look at those shadowbox intro's!"

Knowing full well what had happened to other actors who had turned grey, Brosnan reportedly kept stayed out of the reach of paparazzi's telephono lenses until he'd shaved every morning." I kept my "problem" to myself. I kept a Braun rechargable in the back of the limo, and in the glove box of every car. Somehow, somebody snapped a shot of me with a 5-o'clock shadow. The very next day, I got the call"

Brosnan reportedly tried several looks including a fu-manchu, van dyke, goatee, full beard, lamb chops, grilled halibut, and waxed handlebar 'stash before setting on a "matador."

Asked about haircare product Just for Men, Brosnan said, "Hey, look, I appear on the box. I take the money. If you want advice on hair care products, ask your stylist. Me, I'm just an actor getting older."

Make wadenelson's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 3?

1 12 11 16

Go to top