Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 25 February 2011

image for Ricky Martin, Lance Bass, Clay Aiken, and Adam Lambert To Star In A Movie About Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young
Stephen Stills used this guitar to write the CSN&Y classic, "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes."

LOS ANGELES - The legendary music icons of the late 60s and 70s, Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young have all agreed to serve as consultants on a movie about them entitled The True Story of Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young - Four Macho Dudes In An Effen Damn Good Band.

The movie is a TouchRock Production in association with The Woodstock World Motion Picture Company and is being produced and directed by the highly respected producer-director Sheboygan Saddlehorn.

Ricky Martin will star as David Crosby, a former member of the Byrds who has recently ballooned up to 407 pounds due to his semi-addiction to Dairy Queen Oreo Cookie Blizzards.

Lance Bass, an ex-member of 'NSync will portray Stephen Stills, a former member of Buffalo Springfield and who wrote the song "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" about his then girlfriend fellow singer Judy Collins.

Collins is the sister of Tom Collins who invented the famous drink The Tequila Sunrise.

Clay Aiken will portray Graham Nash, who was a member of the British band The Hollies. Nash is best noted for being the only member of Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young who had an accent.

He is also the only band member to ever visit Buckingham Palace and who actually had breakfast with Queen Elizabeth and her husband Prince Philip on October 15, 1968.

Neil Young, from Canada who was an original member of Buffalo Springfield will be played by Adam Lambert. Adam said that when he was three-years-old growing up in San Diego the very first song he ever learned was a song written by Neil Young called "Cowgirl In The Sand."

Lambert said that he used to sing the song for his grandparents every time they would visit from Calexico. He giggled and said that his grandfather Tootles used to give him a quarter every time he would sing it since it was Grandma Cupcakes favorite song.

Adam said that he would put the quarters in a Vlasic pickle jar underneath his bed and that when he went away to college he took the jar and counted all of the quarters. He said that he had managed to collect 2,983 quarters or $745.75.

Sheboygan Saddlehorn said that the movie will be filmed in locations where Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young actually performed such as Woodstock, Niagara Falls, Mount Rushmore, The La Brea Tar Pits, in front of the Alamo, and at The China Closet Arena in Shanghai, China which holds 185,000 people.

The highly acclaimed director was asked by Tequila Tallyho of The Left Coast Mirror Magazine why he had decided to cast four gay individuals in the roles of the four fabulous totally straight members of the Woodstock era band.

Sheboygan thought about it for a moment and then replied, "Oh my goodness. Ya know Tequila I never even realized that until now. But you are absolutely right. Ricky, Lance, Clay, and Adam are all in fact gay. Gosh. I wonder what the odds of that are?"

In a related story. In 1999, Neil Young had the distinction of recording a song in which he only used two notes. The song entitled The Tallahassee Two-Step Hoedown made it all the way to number three on the Billboard Top 100 Chart.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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