Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 19 February 2011

image for The Jonas Brothers Deny Any Involvement In The Indianapolis Ticket Scalping Scandal
Part of the crowd at The Nicotine Stained Ashtray Auditorium in Raleigh, North Carolina.

RALEIGH, North Carolina - The Jonas Brothers performed their third encore at The Nicotine Stained Ashtray Auditorium and left the stage.

Tequila Tallyho with The Left Coast Mirror Magazine met them in their dressing room for a scheduled interview.

She spoke with Kevin, the married brother first. She asked how married life was going. He said that it was great and that it was neat to have a wife to not only cook his meals, wash his clothes, but to also tune his guitar for him.

He then said that he wanted to clear up the rumor that he was going to divorce his wife Danielle because she had talked back to him back during the Jonas Family Thanksgiving Dinner.

Kevin pointed out that his marriage has never been stronger as evidenced by the fact that Dani is the best stay-at-home wife that a rock and roll icon could ever hope to have.

He told LC2M that Dani occupies her spare time by sewing all of his shirts, jeans, underwear, socks, and last week she even sewed his raincoat.

Kevin says that he is so damn proud of his wife because she has now learned, through the Internet, how to make his cowboy boots from scratch.

Brothers Nick and Joe have both commented that they hope to one day each find a woman to marry who will be as dedicated to them as their sister-in-law is to their brother Kevin.

Kevin was asked to explain the story going around the Great Lakes area that there had been reports of some concert ticket scalping going on just outside the Indianapolis city limits.

Kev simply laughed and said that it was all really just a big misunderstanding and that none of the Jonas Brothers had anything at all to do with it.

He said that several college members of the Kickapoo tribe in Indiana first joked about scalping tickets as a type of collegiate joke (prank).

Apparently what ended up happening was that Sean Hannity of Fox News got a hold of the story and talked about it on his program. While on the air, Hannity received a call from a person who identified himself as Buffalo Knees Rachmaninoff, 21, of Kokomo, Indiana.

Rachmaninoff said that he and his girlfriend Sara Sue Figgergibbet 27, had gotten drunk on some cheap beer and they ended up concocting the ticket scalping story.

Indiana State Police have since arrested both Buffalo Knees Rachmaninoff and Sara Sue Figgergibbet and are holding them on charges of 'Illicit In Propia Inter Innuendo Ipse Ippity' which is punishable by imprisonment for up to five weeks and a fine of $7,150 if convicted.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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