LONDON, ENGLAND - Security guards this morning heaved huge sighs of relief as breaking news revealed that Justin Bieber and Barcelona soccer star Lionel Messi were almost involved in a near miss incident with a group of vicious satirists, who had gathered at the Balcony Bar at London Waterloo station.
Pep Guardiola, the Barcelona coach expressed his relief at El Prat De Llobregat as Messi and his team mates touched down safely in Catalunya after their surprise 2-1 defeat at the Emirates.
"I didn't know that there were Spoofers operating in London," he told a packed press conference. "We weren't advised of this. We feel that the UK Intelligence community have let us down badly. Had I known that there were active Spoofers in the city, I would have left Messi on the bench. Wearing a kevlar jacket. This was just too close for comfort, and we shall be sending a full report to UEFA."
Justin Bieber, appearing at the O2 Arena to publicise his biopic was blissfully unaware of the danger he was in, according to sources.
"For Chrissakes!" Bieber's head of security, Chuck Cannuck, gasped. "I can't believe we weren't given a heads up on this by MI6, or James Bond or somebody. Had we known that Justin and his fringe were working in such close proximity to those bastards from theSpoof.com we'd never have exposed him to the risk. We'd have been on the first frickin' plane back to Toronto. I can tell you."
A Metropolitan Police spokesman confirmed this morning that there had indeed been a sighting of a group of Spoofers at London Waterloo station.
"I can confirm that here has indeed been a sighting of a group of known Spoofers, active in the Waterloo area. But covert surveillance operatives informed us that they were drinking beer and generally larking about. We can only say that as far as we were concerned, there was no discernible threat to either Mister Messi, or Mister Bieber. I can confirm that those involved were named as: Lynton, Colonel Juan, Iain B, Ellis Ian Fields, Birbee, and some cunt in a pork pie hat with a dodgy knee who we can't put a name to - because we believe he also operates in other fields under a variety of guises. None of which are believed to be very successful. I think I can safely say that there was no threat to the public."
More as we get it.