Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 15 February 2011

image for Madonna and Angelina Jolie to club together to buy Haiti
Ms Ciccone showing how she shaves her armpits with a microphone

Both Madonna and Angelina Jolie have tried to help some of the unfortunate victims of the Haiti earthquake in 2010 by taking them into their own families through the adoption process.

Madonna's application has been flatly refused, whilst Jolie's is still undergoing review, and looks to be heading the same way.

This has led the two fantastically wealthy women to take the unusual step of purchasing the country.

"Mrs Jolie and Miss Ciccone have pooled some of their vast fortunes to mount an economic takeover of Haiti," said lawyer for the pair, Hans Oberfisst. "Due to the rundown nature of the infrastructure and the poor care of the country by its previous owner, they hope to be able to knock down the asking price of fifty billion US Dollars to fifty million. If more is needed, Oprah Winfrey has indicated she is willing to join the coalition."

René Préval is the current President of Haiti, and it is with him as to whether or not to accept the proposal.

"Préval is been given our initial offer," said Oberfisst. "The ball is in his court for now."

Should the buy-out be successful, it would see Jolie and Madonna (and possibly Winfrey) not only take over the running of the country, but they would instantly be appointed Mother to Orphaned Children in the nation. They also intend on changing the national anthem to Like a Virgin and rename the country Jolliemad.

Should the buyout be unsuccessful, two Nigerian business men have indicated that the pair could purchase Nigeria instead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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