Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

image for Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato Ride The Fastest Roller Coaster In The World Hitting Speeds of Up To 285 MPH!
Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato riding The Thundering Tornado Typhoon.

LAKE CHARLES, Louisiana - Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato, who was just recently released from a rehab clinic after a three month stay, were invited by the CEO of the South's newest and biggest amusement theme park to attend the opening day festivities of The Giggling Gator Amusement Theme Park located just outside of Lake Charles on Nude Voodoo Woman Road.

The young trio of singers thrilled the crowd estimated by official crowd estimators to be around 391,907.

The Hollywood threesome walked hand in hand in hand on the boardwalk and had their pictures taken with babies, toddlers, youngsters, teens, college kids, and Bristol "The Pistol" Palin and Mark Ballas who were also in attendance.

Justin wore red Canadian Mountie shorts, a Neil Young T-shirt, and a Toronto Blue Jays baseball cap. Selena wore a Demi Lovato T-shirt, Miley Cyrus designer lap dance shorts, and a Houston Astros baseball cap. and Demi wore a Taylor Swift blouse, a pair of Laker girl short shorts, and a baseball cap with the Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic logo on the front.

They signed autographs, shook hands, gave high fives, low fives, fist bumps, and a couple of chest bumps, except for Selena and Demi who declined saying that their woo woo's bruise easily.

The CEO of the amusement park Beauregard Thibodeaux LaTruffles personally escorted the three teen idols around the park. They rode The Bayou Boom Boom which is a ride that drops from a height of about 20 stories in about 4.3 seconds.

Then they got on one of the Rajun Cajun Air Boats which if they get going fast enough can literally come off of the swamp water by about a foot and a half.

Demi decided not to go on this ride since she is allergic to swamp water. Justin and Selena got on. Justin was driving and Selena was holding on to her pink cotton candy.

As Justin made a quick turn in the swamp lagoon Selena's pink cotton candy went flying and landed on a swamp log. A crocodile quickly swam over and ate the cotton candy and began to go into a hissy fit.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: For some unknown reason Louisiana crocodiles are allergic to cotton candy and when they eat some will in fact go into hissy fits until they can be administered with a potent anti-biotic vaccine to counteract the reaction.]

After they finished riding The Rajun Cajun Air Boat it was time to ride what is being hailed as the Grandmother of all roller coaster rides The Thundering Tornado Typhoon.

The Triple T was developed in Germany with Japanese engineers at a cost of $9.8 million. It is the only one of its kind in the entire world.

After developing and manufacturing it over a three year period, the engineers spent 3,000 man hours conducting safety tests and checking out every single possibility and scenario possible.

The manufacturers of The Thundering Tornado Typhoon, The Achtung Brothers of Berlin proclaimed that during the 3,000 man hours that not one employee of their company was hurt or injured.

A reporter for The Baton Rouge Creole Voice newspaper however stated that the Achtung Brothers are correct in making that statement but, a total of 17 employees of a Japanese subsidiary testing corporation did receive various injuries ranging in bumps to the head, bruised ribs, scratched ears, shattered knee caps, chipped wisdom teeth, lacerated tongues, misaligned uvulas, and inverted nipples.

When Bieber, Gomez, and Lovato were asked by Mr. LaTruffles if they were sure that they wanted to go on the ride, Justin replied, "Heck yeah, all three of us have performed in Philadelphia, you bet we're sure."

The three singing sensations and LaTruffles got on along with about 38 other park visitors. The Thundering Tornado Typhoon took off and as it rounded the eighth curve and began a steep 300 yard descent it did indeed reach an amazing speed of 285 miles per hour!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Wow! 285 mph! That is even twice as fast as the fastest racehorses in history Sea Biscuit, Man-O-War, and Secretariat.]

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

4 3 14 10

Go to top